Woman Rubs Her Bare Butt All Over $30 Million Painting

Like many of us, the first thing I like to do when I’m wasted is find the nearest multi-million dollar painting and rub up all on it. That’s just what poor Carmen Tisch, of Denver, Colorado, was trying to do when she was stopped by police for punching and then pressing her bare ass on a $30 million Clyfford Still painting.

Tisch did an estimated $10,000 worth of damage to the abstract 1957-J-No. 2 before passing out on the ground and urinating on herself. Thankfully, though, “It doesn’t appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it, so she’s not being charged with that,” said Denver District Attorney spokeswoman Lynn Kimbrough.  Tisch has been charged with criminal mischief and is being held in the Denver County jail on a $20,000 bond. How many times have I made that mistake, eh? [NYDN]