Before deciding who we should date in 2012, we’re updating our annual DO NOT DATE list — an essential component of every single gal’s resolution portfolio. We firmly believe that an important part of dating is knowing which suitors to say “no thanks” to. After the jump, a full overview of boys to avoid for a happy, healthy dating year.
1. The Guy Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants To Do With His Life Yet. If he’s still figuring out career stuff, he is most likely not ready to make you a priority in his life. He would if he could (he probably thinks you’re the cat’s pajamas), but he just doesn’t have the multitasking capabilities to do “you” and soul search at the same time. He’s great for a good time but not for much more. If you’re looking for something serious this year, which I am, he’s not the thing.
2. The Guy You Dated Years Ago Who Contacts You Out Of The Blue. It’s nice to think that someone from your past is coming back for second go-round. How rom-com! This fantasy has gotten me in trouble many a time. Especially considering the staggering number of men from my past who’ve contacted me. Yes, people change. But not that much. Nine times out of ten, the reason you broke up in the first place still stands. Tip your hat at him, wish him g’day and keep on keeping on.
3. The Guy Who Scoffs At You. If he scoffs at anything about you — your taste in books, your clothing choices, your love of musicals, pound the pavement. You deserve to have someone who thinks everything about you is endearing. Well … almost everything. Maybe he hates it when you fart on him. Understandable. But certainly, he should accept the things that are fundamental expressions of you-ness.
4. The Guy Who Is Looking For A Placeholder. Meaning he’s looking for a girlfriend, ANY girlfriend will do. You needn’t have any special qualities to apply — just that you’re willing and have a vagina and want him to be your boyfriend. No questions asked. You know you’re involved with one of these guys when, after an hour or so, he is looking at you all googley-eyed telling you how amazing you are. He doesn’t even know you and he wants to get serious after the first date? I don’t think so.
5. The Guy Who Needs Too Much Attention. I am a busy person and I just can’t handle someone who is going to pitch a fit if I can’t shoot the s**t him all day with him on Gchat. I have a lot to give another person, just not always during business hours. And not to someone who is pressuring me for more attention or seems disappointed by what I can give.
6. The Guy Who Doesn’t Know How To Express Emotion. I know expressing emotion can be more difficult for some men (and women). Underneath the aloof exterior of the guy who “can’t do mushy gushy” or “doesn’t like conversations about feelings” is a guy who never really learned some key communication skills. I want to teach him how, really I do, I just don’t have the energy any more. I’ve tried in the past with minimal results. Why? I’m not a therapist. And I don’t want to be, especially not in a relationship. Part of growing up means addressing your own issues and shortcomings. I know I have. If he needs extra assistance in this area, I recommend real therapy. It works.
7. The Guy Who Can’t Get It Together To Ask You On A Date. I have no problem doing the asking if it seems right. I know some guys fear rejection very much. I would just prefer not to do the asking. I promise, promise, promise, if I am throwing down signals, I am probably interested. I will probably say yes. And if I don’t, I will give you an honest reason as to why I’m saying no. To me, having to ask a guy out or plan our date, is a sign that I will be the one steering the ship. I really don’t want to be the one in charge all the time. I will take turns being in charge. Yes, I will. But if he can’t even find the courage/ resolve/ wherewithal/ effort within him to try to make plans with me, or even suggest that we hang out sometime, I don’t see a future of any kind for us.
8. The Guy Who You Only Call When You’re Lonely. I’m erasing this guy’s number from my phone because I don’t need a crutch anymore. If I’m lonely, I have to sit with my loneliness and learn how to soothe myself. No other person can fill that void. I won’t use anyone to fill that void the same way I don’t want anyone to use me in that way.
9. The Ghoster. The “ghoster” is the guy you’re dating for a minute who suddenly disappears without any inkling of an explanation. More often than not, he re-materializes from the spirit dating world at some point and wants another chance. Being as this is my very worst pet peeve, I resolve not to give Sir Ghoster another chance. Whatever his reasoning for the ghosting may be — busy, got back together with his ex, was sick, on vacation — it’s irrelevant. It says something about his character that I can’t forget. That, and a guy who ghosts once will ghost again.
10. The Guy Who’s Just Not Doing It For You Sexually. Sexual chemistry is not always a solid 10 with every person every time. Sometimes it grows. Sometimes it requires work. That is totally OK. But dating a guy who you know you have ZERO sexual attraction to is just a cruel thing to do to the both of you. You may really adore him and you can continue to adore him … as a friend. Hold out for someone who excites you. Let him find someone who is excited by him. It’s the decent thing to do.
11. The Guy Who Is Not Over His Ex Yet. You may be the woman of his damn dreams, but if he is still mourning another lady, he won’t adore you the way you are meant to be adored. Timing is a bitch, but it’s a powerful force beyond your control. Move on and if timing is kind to you, he may cross your path again when he’s ready to see you for the amazing specimen that you are.
12. The Guy Who Wants To Perpetually Casually Date But Never Take It Further. This guy is fine if you’re just looking for a casual date. But as I mentioned, I’m not. If you think you are the woman who is going to change Casual Tom’s outlook on love, you are fooling yourself, Sister. Leave Casual Tom to date other women casually while you empower yourself by not wasting your time on someone who isn’t up for the task of meeting your needs.