For the new year, women go to extreme lengths to ditch old baggage: we clean out our closets, buy new “essential” wardrobe pieces, start looking for new jobs, vow to lose a few pounds or even get full-on makeovers. But sometimes our “special someone” is the real dead weight that should be tossed out. Here are 10 signs that Mr. Right has become so wrong.
1. “Occupy the couch” is his new slogan. He claims to be standing in solidarity with the “8.6%” of Americans who are unemployed. He is really on his fanny singing “The Lazy Song” and placing Maury paternity result bets.
2. Your relationship has become as fake as Kim Kardashian’s wedding. If you roll your eyes or sigh when he calls, it’s about that time to start shopping for a new man.
3. He didn’t take you to his holiday party at work. Sometimes work parties only invite their employees. Other times he just doesn’t think you’re a gift worth sharing.
4. He wants to spend New Year’s Eve with the guys. Maybe he is saving that special 12 o’clock kiss for “one of the guys” or he is using his “Moves Like Jagger” on someone else.
5. You fought about everything during the holidays. If you cannot enjoy your partner during “the most wonderful time of the year,” you’re in for a terrible 2012 together.
6. He has become your holiday weight-watcher. Although most of us tend to overindulge a little during the festivities, you can count your own calories, thank you very much.
7. He’s a workaholic. These are trying economic times, but if he excitedly worked Thanksgiving and Christmas, he won’t be making time for you on New Year’s Eve — or any other important day in the future.
8. You only know his family from their holiday greeting card. ’Tis the season to share your significant other with family and friends. If he has yet to do so, he may never.
9. You didn’t even get carded. It is understood that not everyone can afford Jared’s or Tiffany’s this year, but if he didn’t give you a card, it’s time to send him packing.
10. You stopped believing in orgasms like you once did Santa. When he no longer tries to satisfy you, it’s time to move on.