Dear Wendy: “He Got Us Both Pregnant At The Same Time”
I’m four months pregnant and split with my boyfriend of one year a week ago. He has a son with someone who he was “banging” before me, though they never had a relationship. I got used to him having a kid and things were okay. When he got used to the idea that we were having a baby he was happy because he said it was with “someone he loved a lot.”After we broke up he kept trying to talk to me but I kept ignoring him til one night he begged me to talk to him so I gave in and went to see him. He told me how much he wanted us to be together for the baby and I was considering giving it a try, but then he said, “I have to tell you something,” and he told me his baby mama might be pregnant for him again. He said he didn’t know how it happened — he was soo dang drunk he doesn’t remember anything happening. We were broken during that time and I guess he sorta thinks if he doesn’t remember what he did and that we were split up it shouldn’t matter.
I love him a lot and I want us to be together for our baby but this situation just seems so effed up. He said he wants to be with me and our baby and that he doesn’t want her to have another kid for him. He also begged me if we could still just try and be together, but I can’t figure out what to do but hope she’s lying. She had their first kid to trap him but he doesn’t want to be with her at all. I need help. This is tearing me apart. — Confused Baby Mama
You mentioned a couple times how you want to stay with your boyfriend “for the baby,” but if you really want to do something for that child you’re carrying, talk to a lawyer about lining up child support and stay away from any relationship drama — most specifically with your baby daddy — that will distract you from effectively caring for your offspring. This “man” is not prepared to be the partner or parent you need him to be, so forget about staying with him or hoping his other baby mama is lying, and focus instead on how you can be the best parent possible to your poor kid to make up for the joke of a dad he’s going to grow up with.
One of the ways you can be a good parent to your child is teaching him or her about the birds and the bees — a lesson your ex clearly missed out on. He doesn’t know how he got his other ex-girlfriend pregnant? Here’s a hint for him: the same way he got her pregnant the first time! The same way he got YOU pregnant. And here’s a hint for you: don’t ever let it happen again. Not with him, anyway.
P.S. You don’t REALLY believe that if your baby daddy got some other woman pregnant it happened in this last week that you were technically broken up, do you? Even women who are meticulously trying to get pregnant and taking Early Response tests ever other hour don’t get results that quickly. Wake up and smell the coffee, sugar.