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The Dos & Don’ts Of Your Online Dating Profile Photo

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If we’re to believe the marketing geniuses at Match.com, one in five couples now meets online. We’ve been looking, and dang, have we seen some messed up profile pictures. Listen, it’s sad but true, but your online dating profile pic can make the difference between somebody asking you out or moving right along. We’re superficial, we know these things and are guilty of passing on perfectly nice guys because they looked stanky in their pics. As such, we’ve come up with a simple list of dos and don’ts for both men and women to follow when selecting their all-important profile images. These suggestions have been culled with the help of our picky dude friends who have looked at countless online profiles, too, so they know what they’re talking about.

FOR GUYS

DON’T include photos of yourself with more attractive friends. Actually, try not to include pictures of yourself with friends, period. It just confuses us. You don’t want us inquiring after your friend Steve do you?

DON’T include photos of yourself with girls. Yeah, yeah, we get it: you want to prove to us that you’ve, in fact, touched a real live girl before. But that’s the thing — it’s so obvious that’s what you’re doing, that we find it really desperate.

DO include pictures of yourself with your pets — if they happen to be cuddly puppies or kittens. But probably leave the animal pics out if you happen to be a herpetologist or rat hoarder or something.

DON’T use a professional headshot. The only people who really want to date struggling actors are … nobody.

DON’T lead with your Halloween costume. We don’t know you. We don’t know if you as a giant banana is your Halloween look or just your average Tuesday.

DO include pics of yourself doing cool stuff. But not, like, 10 pictures of you playing in a band. Also, most girls over the age of 23 aren’t trying to get with a dude in a band. 

DO remember that girls pay a lot of attention to stuff like shoes — things that you probably don’t really think about. Wear good shoes in your picture.

DO include at least one mostly full body pic, otherwise we’re going to assume you’re hiding a tumor, or a tail or a bizarrely chubby leg.

FOR GIRLS

DON’T include a “quirky” photo of yourself with a fake mustache, or a mustache tattoo, or a mustache hat, or just no mustaches. Apparently this is a thing that lots of girls do — it must be the International Symbol for Manic Pixie Dream Girl or something. Just … don’t.

DON’T include photos you’ve taken of yourself in the bathroom mirror. It just seems sort of sad and pathetic. Don’t you do anything fun? Don’t you have exciting little candid moments in life? Come on! If not, grab a friend or roommate and fake it.

DON’T post a zillion pictures of yourself in a bikini — unless you’re looking to attract the type of juicehead dudes who are looking for girls who spend the majority of their days in bikinis. You reap what you sow — especially when it comes to online profile photos.

DO show a pic of what you look on the day-to-day. He’s going to find out anyway, and most guys would rather deal with reality than with some totally fake version of you.

DON’T post a prom pic, or some weird formal event picture. Are you a princess? No, you’re not, and he’s not going to expect to see you dolled up like one everyday. Unless you are a princess, in which case, ignore this point and commence with the tiara.

DO include photos of yourself having fun, but like, not too much fun. Not falling on the floor, ass out fun. Keep it together, girl.

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