What’s In A One-Night Stand Gift Bag?

The New York Post is reporting that whenever Derek Jeter has a one-night stand, he keeps a car on call, ready to take the woman home, and stocks it with “a basket of signed memorabilia” to … remember him by?

I think I’d be horrified if I slept with someone and they sent me home with a basket of, like, signed baseball cards and a headshot. But, I mean, it depends on the giftbag, right?

If I had a one-night stand, and didn’t feel any particular attachment to the guy or have any interest in seeing him again, and he loaded me up with stuff for the ride home, well, I don’t know, I might be okay with that. For example, the perfect one-night stand giftbag would include…

1. Fancy bubble bath, because obviously I’d be taking a shower as soon as I got home, but might as well make it a luxurious bath.

2. Toothpaste, in case I’m not going home and need to be in public.

3. A Starbucks gift card (to pick up coffee on the way to wherever I’m going).

4. Sunglasses, in lieu of extra strength concealer, which would be a weird gift.

5. Coconut water, to hydrate.

6. “I Just Had Sex” T-shirt to wear immediately.

See? Giving someone a giftbag can turn a tawdry one-night stand into a first class experience!

No, no, really, it’s weird and horrifying and Jeter should stop. But just for kicks, what would be in your ideal one-night stand gift bag?

This post originally appeared on How About We’s Date Report blog. Also on How About We: