Pooping Etiquette For Couples: 10 Bathroom Rules To Abide By

Ever since Rachel Rabbit White posited that pooping is a feminist issue, we’ve been talking a lot about the poop problem around The Frisky office. Amelia even suggested we implement a policy whereby we announce when we are going to the bathroom to take a dump. Ya know, just to open up the conversation. Mostly, our poop talk has centered around relationships. Is there a proper way to poop in a partner’s presence? To talk about it? The ladies here run the gamut from excited to share potty time with a new beau to completely mortified at the prospect. After the jump we’ve put together some proposed DO’s and DON’Ts of pooping etiquette for couples. We hope you’ll add your suggestions in the comments. Yay POOP!

  1. Do: Close the door while you’re dropping the kids off at the pool. You may have an open-door policy, but that doesn’t mean your partner does.
  2. Do Not: Enter the bathroom immediately upon hearing the other person flush. Wait for the full flush completion. And knock if you need to get in there. Duh.
  3. Do: Clean the toilet if you leave streaks. That’s just common courtesy.
  4. Do Not: Taunt your BF/GF when they come out of the bathroom with “I know you just pooped!” Making someone feel ashamed or embarrassed about going number two is not going to make them feel closer to you. If there’s a brown elephant in the room, you don’t need to call attention to it.
  5. Do: Equip every bathroom with air freshener, matches, baby wipes, and magazines. It’s kind for guests and lets them know that they are in a poop friendly zone. Especially guests you have sex with.
  6. Do Not: Send photographs of your bowel movements or make the other person look at/ sniff your daily deposit. That’s just gross. Unless you are mutually into that kind of thing.
  7. Do: Give your special someone space to do their business privately. (i.e. do not hover in the room directly outside the bathroom, aid in masking the sound by doing dishes, etc.)
  8. Do Not: Initiate anal play right after the deed has been done.
  9. Do: Share funny poop-related stories — the time you had to go in the woods but had no TP, the time your friend had explosive diarrhea at her birthday party, the time your cousin crapped himself onstage. This is a great way to break the ice about poop.
  10. Do Not: Hold in your poop until you have cramping, bloating, or anal fissures. This is not sexy. Plus, no one is worth destroying your colon for.