Time To Start Planning Your Winter TV Watching Now!

Hibernation season has begun!  The long, dark, cold nights of winter are here.  (Shut up, Southern California.)  And besides, you’re too broke to go out, anyway. What’s a girl to do? Curl up with your oldest and dearest friend, the boob tube. Thankfully all your favorite trashy TV shows — and a couple higher-quality ones (not that we watch those) — are coming back midseason. A schedule of all the shows you won’t want to miss, after the jump!

All times in Eastern Standard Time (EST)

Tuesday, December 6
10 p.m. “Teen Mom 2″ (MTV)
Trash-meter: Four out of five dirty diapers

Sunday, January 1
8 p.m. “Mob Wives” (VH1)
Trash-meter: Five out of five lip injectibles

Monday, January 2
8 p.m. “The Bachelor” (ABC)
Trash-meter: Two out of five used Kleenex

10 p.m. “It’s A Brad, Brad World” (Bravo)
Trash-meter: Two of out five skinny lattes thrown at an assistant because you wanted a skinny VANILLA latte

Tuesday, January 3
9 p.m. “Wife Swap” (ABC)
Trash-meter: Two out of five broken marriage vows

Thursday January 5
9 p.m. “Project Runway All Stars” (Lifetime)
Trash-meter: One out of five emotional breakdowns because you bought the wrong kind of lamé at Mood Fabrics

10 p.m. “Jersey Shore” (MTV)
Trash-meter: Five out of five Valtrex prescriptions

Friday, January 5
10 p.m. “Porlandia” (IFC)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five homebrewed beers made from organic and locally sourced hops

Tuesday, January 10
8 p.m. “90210” (CW)
Trash-meter: Two out of five identical twin sisters who Mom never told you about

Wednesday, January 11
8:30 p.m. “Are You There, Chelsea?” (NBC)
Trash-meter: One of out five vodka shots

Thursday, January 12
8 p.m. “30 Rock” (NBC)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five Sabor de Soledad chips

Friday, January 13
10 p.m. “Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five pompous windbags

Monday, January 16
8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” (CW)
Trash-meter: Three out of five surly looks from Taylor Momsen

Tuesday, January 17
9 p.m. “New Girl” (FOX)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five manic pixie dream girls

Wednesday, January 18
8 p.m. “American Idol” (FOX)
Trash-meter: Two out of five $1 million raises to Jennifer Lopez’s contract

Did I miss any shows you can’t wait to return? Let me know in the comments!

[Dig Boston via Pop Culture Brain]