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Hibernation season has begun!  The long, dark, cold nights of winter are here.  (Shut up, Southern California.)  And besides, you’re too broke to go out, anyway. What’s a girl to do? Curl up with your oldest and dearest friend, the boob tube. Thankfully all your favorite trashy TV shows — and a couple higher-quality ones (not that we watch those) — are coming back midseason. A schedule of all the shows you won’t want to miss, after the jump!

All times in Eastern Standard Time (EST)

Tuesday, December 6
10 p.m. “Teen Mom 2″ (MTV)
Trash-meter: Four out of five dirty diapers

Sunday, January 1
8 p.m. “Mob Wives” (VH1)
Trash-meter: Five out of five lip injectibles

Monday, January 2
8 p.m. “The Bachelor” (ABC)
Trash-meter: Two out of five used Kleenex

10 p.m. “It’s A Brad, Brad World” (Bravo)
Trash-meter: Two of out five skinny lattes thrown at an assistant because you wanted a skinny VANILLA latte

Tuesday, January 3
9 p.m. “Wife Swap” (ABC)
Trash-meter: Two out of five broken marriage vows

Thursday January 5
9 p.m. “Project Runway All Stars” (Lifetime)
Trash-meter: One out of five emotional breakdowns because you bought the wrong kind of lamé at Mood Fabrics

10 p.m. “Jersey Shore” (MTV)
Trash-meter: Five out of five Valtrex prescriptions

Friday, January 5
10 p.m. “Porlandia” (IFC)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five homebrewed beers made from organic and locally sourced hops

Tuesday, January 10
8 p.m. “90210″ (CW)
Trash-meter: Two out of five identical twin sisters who Mom never told you about

Wednesday, January 11
8:30 p.m. “Are You There, Chelsea?” (NBC)
Trash-meter: One of out five vodka shots

Thursday, January 12
8 p.m. “30 Rock” (NBC)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five Sabor de Soledad chips

Friday, January 13
10 p.m. “Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five pompous windbags

Monday, January 16
8 p.m. “Gossip Girl” (CW)
Trash-meter: Three out of five surly looks from Taylor Momsen

Tuesday, January 17
9 p.m. “New Girl” (FOX)
Trash-meter: Zero out of five manic pixie dream girls

Wednesday, January 18
8 p.m. “American Idol” (FOX)
Trash-meter: Two out of five $1 million raises to Jennifer Lopez’s contract

Did I miss any shows you can’t wait to return? Let me know in the comments!

[Dig Boston via Pop Culture Brain]

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