31 Reasons Why December Birthdays Suck

We’re reposting this listicle from last year because, surprise, surprise, Ami feels just annoyed with her December birthday as ever.

Yes, my birthday is in December. No, I am not bitter at all. The moment I was born, the nurses put me in a Christmas stocking. But we’re Jewish! Then my mom dropped me in the snow. That’s just how it goes when you’re a December baby. After the jump, 31 reasons why it sucks to be born in December. Let this be a warning to all people planning to reproduce%u2014time your conception accordingly.

  1. Black Friday and Cyber Monday spending means no budget for your birthday present.
  2. Everyone is still recovering from all the Thanksgiving family drama.
  3. End of year reviews are stressful enough without having to worry about the birthday party you have to go to afterward.
  4. Holiday parties, holiday parties, and more holiday parties. When the f#@k am I supposed to schedule my karaoke birthday bash?
  5. Your best friend was too busy making figgy pudding to remember that you wanted a yellow birthday cake with buttercream frosting and purple roses. Is it really that much to ask?
  6. No, you don’t want a combo Hanukkah/b-day party. That’s lame.
  7. Your birthday present is dependent upon everyone else’s Christmas bonus … and we’re in a recession.
  8. Serving leftover latkes, turkey, or gingerbread at your birthday dinner is an insult.
  9. Two words: combo gift. Do not want it. I want two separate presents like the rest of the human race.
  10. The known world is out of town.
  11. Winter break means no birthday cupcakes in class.
  12. Your office is closed that week, so it means your boss can’t take you out for a free lunch on the company.
  13. You can’t take the day off on your birthday because you already have the day off.
  14. It’s snowing and the roads are too dangerous for guests to make it to your party. Or if they do arrive, they track mud into into your house.
  15. Your birthday dress must be worn with a down jacket and snow boots. Not sexy.
  16. Your crush is on vacation all month. So forget that.
  17. Happy birthday! You’re going to get a TSA full-body scan.
  18. Your birthday gift does not belong under the tree or in a stocking.
  19. Happy birthday! You’re stranded at the airport due to poor weather conditions.
  20. Christmas carolers at your door are not the same as having friends sing you “Happy Birthday.”
  21. Christ is more important than you.
  22. No one wants to hear about your birthday plans when they are worrying about alcoholic Aunt Ida coming to Christmas dinner.
  23. Birthday dinner? Forget it. Everyone already gained their allotted 10 pounds.
  24. Last-minute shopping really means no budget for your birthday gift.
  25. The gift table at your birthday party is full of re-gifts.
  26. Family time takes precedence over party time.
  27. ‘Tis the season, just not the right one for birthday cheer.
  28. You still can’t schedule your birthday because everyone has New Year’s plans.
  29. The end of the year is more important than your birthday.
  30. People everywhere are toasting, drinking champagne, partying — only it has nothing to do with you.
  31. As everyone is watching the ball drop, your heart drops. The month is over. The year is over. And your birthday sucked again.
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