Real world dating is tough. As a 21-year-old student in a busy city, it’s been hard for me to find Mr. Right. Curious about what single straight men are really looking for, I created an OKCupid profile and then tweaked different options to see how the way I presented myself affected the responses I got from men. Here’s what I learned…
1. Sexy time is always on his mind. I chose the “casual sex” option on my profile, and received 100 messages in a day, some from men who had specified the same — but also from guys who had only checked “short-term” and “long-term” dating. When I changed my profile to say I was looking for only “long term dating,” I only got 10 emails a week.
2. He’ll love you for the size of your brain; the size of your bra is just a bonus. Share your opinions, thoughts, passions and hobbies. Men who took my profile seriously either shared my love for neuroscience or appreciated my political outlooks, not just looks.
3. He likes to see you in action. Posting pictures of yourself while doing things you enjoy like hiking or dancing is a plus. Pictures of your derriere in the bathroom mirror will only get responses from, well, asses.
4. He loves attention too. Whether they admit it or not, men love to be fawned over a bit too. Compliment him on his taste in music or his nice smile and he will be more likely take interest in you. I got a date with a hot photographer by first admiring his online work.
5. One word means one thing. If he doesn’t take the time to express himself to you, he probably isn’t really that interested. I responded to guys who sent me one- to three-word messages i.e. “Hey there.” Their following response was usually something along the lines of “What are you up to baby?” or “Can you send me more pics?”
6. He wants you to look like a Kardashian, not act like one. Your womanly curves will catch his attention, but he won’t stick around if he finds you too stuck up. When I demanded that only men who were financially secure should contact me, I ended up with no messages at all.
7. He can be intimidated. Seeming too sexy, too smart, too funny or too knowledgeable on your profile will make him feel insignificant. You can advertise, but don’t oversell yourself. I bragged about being a gourmand who had been to hundreds of fine restaurants and ended up taking myself out to dinner every week after.
8. He wants you to confide in him. I revealed to a guy that I was hopelessly attracted to Bill Cosby and landed a first date. Men love to exchange fun secrets, but probably not about your ex or a medical problem before he even knows your last name.
9. He cares more about your dimpled smile than the dimples on your ass or thighs. Ladies, we are not in the time of Adam and Eve. That poor girl had to bare it all. We live in a world, both on and offline, where we can choose what we want to show and how much. Men loved pictures where I had a big cheesy smile and a cute outfit. I am sure they weren’t too worried by the fact that beneath the cute dress may or may not be some cellulite.
10. He doesn’t mind that you are a different race or religion. I’ve received messages from Jewish bankers, a Russian body builder and even gotten an Indian wedding proposal. Today’s man gets off on cultural differences. The same guy who offered to marry me admitted to fantasizing about me in a sari.
So, Frisky readers, in your online dating exploits, what sorts of things have you learned, in general, about the modern male online dater? Share in the comments!