Last week, we asked you to tell us about your first major heartbreak and how you dealt with it for the chance to win a copy of Adele’s “Live At The Royal Albert Hall”DVD. It was hard to choose a winner considering how moving all of your entries were. We really appreciate you sharing these personal tales with us. Check out the winner’s story of her first heartbreak after the jump.
My first breakup story is a little weird, but let me explain (geeze it’s going to feel good to get this all out there – even to you, my un-named listeners out there in the frisky-verse). I am normally just a quiet by-stander and enjoy listening/reading everyone else’s posts on here, but I just felt like I needed to share this with you all:
I am LDS (aka: a Mormon. But don’t worry, I’m not one of the weirdos — I think that I’m pretty normal, and let’s be honest — I’m a frequent reader of The Frisky, so how weird could I possibly be?). In the LDS religion, the young men (and sometimes the women) go on a church/service mission for 2 years, from ages 19 to 21. During their mission (they get sent to one of many possible locations all over the world) they live with other young men on missions and spend time preaching and teaching.
Well, my high school boyfriend (we’ll call him Larry) left on his mission and we had agreed that I would wait for him (I didn’t date while he was gone, just hung out with my friends and went to college) and we would get married when he returned. We had it all planned – and although we knew it would be difficult, we both agreed that we could do it and be strong to get through it. He had one companion (who we’ll call Kevin) who came home about 6 months after Larry left. Kevin ended up going to the same school as me – and ended up in a similar major as me, so we had lots of over-lapping classes. Kevin and I became great friends – he was a connection to my boyfriend – and an insight into what he was going through. That was the starting point for our friendship, but he was a also great friend, a great homework buddy, and just a good person to be around. There was never anything sexual or anything between Kevin and me, we were just best friends.
Well, things were going swimmingly with Larry and I, until about 3 months before he was scheduled to come home – I got a letter from him, out of the blue, saying that he thought I shouldn’t expect anything from him when he got home, that he didn’t feel the same way about me that he had thought he would. He had tried to play along with what he thought he was supposed to do/supposed to be, but he just wasn’t feeling it.
I was heartbroken. I had put my life on hold for him – I had not dated, not even once. I had written to him every week for the last 21 months. I had started planning the wedding in my head for when he got home. In my young, naive mind I already had our life planned out, where we would live, what we would name our children, everything. I was devastated and confused. How could he do this to me? He had just said “I love you” the week before, what had caused this sudden change of heart? I took the letter to Kevin for his insight and I just broke down. I handed him the letter, and I just sat there and cried while he read it. Kevin read the whole letter, told me to give Larry some room because he was going through a lot of crazy stuff right now – trying to get ready to come back to normal life after 2 years of living exclusively for one purpose. He told me that there were bound to be some rough spots, but if it was meant to be, then it would all work out.
I took Kevin’s advice wrote back to Larry. I poured my heart out to him about how I was confused too and didn’t know what to expect. The response that I got from Larry was the nail in the coffin — he said that he didn’t want to have a relationship with me any more and that he didn’t know why he had asked me to wait for him, because he just didn’t feel a connection to me anymore. This was when I really hit the depths of despair — I thought that if i was supportive of him and his needs that I could be what he needed me to be, and it just wasn’t working out how I had planned. (I realize now that I was making it all about his needs and not mine, but that is a whole ‘nother post)
I spent a lot of time at Kevin’s apartment, hanging out with his roommates and they did a great job of cheering me up – they were so supportive and great for me when I needed it, even though they didn’t need to be — I was just the crazy, tag-along friend of one of the roommates who could burst into tears with no notice, but they were my foundation for a long time while I relearned what it was like to be single and to return to normal. I would hang out after class and on the weekends, doing homework in the kitchen with these 4 guys who could make me laugh with their silly faces and funny bodily noises (I learned what a “blue dart” was from these guys and it was a defining moment of my adult development :)
I think that deep down I was hoping that maybe things would work out when Larry got home, but I also think that Kevin knew that they wouldn’t. He would never let me talk about “in a few months things will work out.” He would always change the subject and a few times he said to me “don’t set your sights too high on Larry, things might not work out with him, but you will be fine — you’re a strong woman and if he doesn’t realize what a good person you are, he doesn’t deserve you.” When Larry got home, things were just as bad as I could’ve imagined — he never called me, not even once. I thought that we could officially close the book on our relationship with a face-to-face discussion, but he apparently thought that the letter was sufficient. I needed the closure that he wouldn’t give me and so all the progress that I had made over the last three months was gone.
But, that group of guys (Kevin and his roommates) were there for me. They picked me up again and helped dust me off. They cheered me up, played silly movies on youtube (which was fairly new when this happened) and they walked me to my classes and talked to me to help me keep my mind off of it. They didn’t need to do it, but they did it anyway. I don’t know what I would have done without them, specifically Kevin. He sat with me in class (he was in them anyway for his major — it’s not like he went to extra classes or anything), he would surprise me with Diet Cokes when it had been a bad day. They were all there for me during the hardest 6 months of my life.
I was just like one of the guys in their group, and they adopted me into their circle and made me feel welcome. Kevin is still one of my best friends in the whole world. He is always there for me — and he was even my “maid of honor” at my wedding — to a guy who is a million times better than Larry.
So, even though I had the most heartbreaking experience with my first boyfriend, I can’t say that I wish it never happened — because if it had never happened, I wouldn’t have met this great group of guys who proved to me how much a real man could be, what real friends are, and how to stand tall and recover from a difficult situation. I wouldn’t have the same great relationship that I have now with Kevin (I’m sure that we still would have met – we were in all the same classes, but I don’t think it would have turned into such a close and wonderful friendship).
This experience was the first real “opportunity” that I had to grow as an adult. I was forced to realize that my dreams weren’t going to work out as I had planned, but that it was okay — there are good people in this world, people who are willing to hold your hand through the worst days of your life — and that something even better is around the corner.
Thanks for sharing, bwat! To redeem your prize your prize, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!