The 5 People You Shouldn’t Hook Up With On Thanksgiving

So, you’re in your hometown for Thanksgiving break. And you’re already bored … like, super bored. Or you’re out and about, and after three (or seven) Bud Lights at your hometown bar, you’re feeling nostalgic for that old flame. Who knew how handsome the kid who used to pull your hair would get? Why not smooch them a little bit? You’re a grownup — you’re allowed!

Just. Don’t. Don’t do it. Because like most great ideas, you will regret it. Here, heed our words for the five folks NOT to hook up with while you’re home for the holiday.

1. Your best friend. You guys are so close that this is so no big deal. You can hook up and then go back to normal, just like when you wear your old T-shirts at home and then forget about them, tra la la la la. You might think so, but no dice, my friend! This will invariably become a disaster of equal magnitude to the two layover flight it took you to get home in the first place. If you want to see your best friend at Christmas without enough residual weirdness to sink the Mayflower, keep your pants on.

2. Your hot, recently divorced out of the family, former step-sibling or cousin. Gross! Unless he’s Paul Rudd, this is not “Clueless.” Back away!

3. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Take the sick feeling you get from having a third piece of pie, then multiply that times sex. You are going to feel awful afterwards and no amount of running on your parents’ forgotten treadmill will shed that shame. Unless you are building a bridge to Getting Back Together Land, this is a horrid hookup.

4. The townie you somehow never knew. This seems safe! He went to that other other high school. She moved here after you left. You have zero years of knowing this person to make this seem regretful — until two months later and you see on Facebook that he or she is having a fling with your good friend who never left your hometown. Or you come back for the Christmas holiday to find they are harboring hardcore feelings for you. Who wants love over the holiday season? Yuck. This is not a Sandra Bullock movie. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

5. Your lifelong crush. Just kidding! Do that. Then get out of there. You finally did it! Maniacally laugh the entire plane ride home. You won, my friend!

This piece originally appeared on How About We’s Date Report blog.