When your boyfriend first brought home his Coyote Mountain Man Hat, you were mortified. He was, after all, wearing a full, skinned coyote on his head. It was…hideous. And yet, you couldn’t look away. You were held rapt by its slack ears lying dormant above your boyfriend’s sparkling blue eyes. You gazed in wonder at Coyote Hat’s bushy, long tail. Suddenly, you saw your boyfriend in a whole new light. He was a warrior–a warrior who had gone online and paid $299.95 to have a dead animal shipped to your house so that he could wear it atop his head. It was, after all, the perfect accompaniment to his Saturday afternoon Affliction tee and cargo shorts ensemble. And it was then, after reckoning with Coyote Hat and all that it meant to your boyfriend–and finally, to you–that you realized you had to dump him. He was a total loser.
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