Dear Ryan Gosling,
I just wanted to take a moment to say that I think it’s really noble of you to turn down People‘s “Sexiest Man Alive” title and let Bradley Cooper have the so-called “honor.” I mean, I can only assume that’s what happened because after a year in which you starred in three big movies (“Crazy Stupid Love,” “Drive,” and “Ides of March”), stopped a street fight over a painting, and inspired numerous internet memes, it just wouldn’t make sense to bestow the title on anyone else. Sure, People will probably deny what really went down, but I know the truth.
But I also just assume you knew that such a title was beneath you. “Sexiest” Man Alive? Well, duh. But you’re also so much more and People‘s offer was likely almost insulting. For empty vessels like Bradley Cooper it’s an honor, sure, but you’ve got better things to do besides looking pretty. You have feminist wisdom to spout and a cool dog to walk and me to daydream about and art fights to stop and rad movies to make and popsicles to suck on.
Anyway, the point is, I am really glad you listened to your inner voice and offered People a polite “Hey girl, thanks, but no thanks” note declining their offer. Honestly, this stance against traditional standards of male sex appeal makes you even sexier, and in a way that can’t be constrained on a glossy magazine cover.
So props to you, Ryan. Congrats on NOT being People‘s Sexiest Man Alive.
* This conjecture is based purely on my psychic ability to understand what’s going on in Ryan Gosling’s head at all times.