Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Doesn’t Think I’m Hot Enough”

Dear Wendy
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I’m in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend is nice and sweet and we connect really well. We had been friends for several years before we started dating, and back when we first became friends, he had the hots for another (super hot) friend of mine. However, she wasn’t into him and that didn’t work out. A couple of years later, we got together. Now, the thing is, even though other aspects of this relationship are going well he has said, more than once, that: a) he doesn’t find me hot; and b) that friend of mine is getting hotter each day.

One time, we were talking about cartoons, and he said (jokingly) how even a proper portrait of mine would look like a cartoon, I’m so ridiculous looking. I try to take these things sportingly because I have no illusions about how I look. I’m short, and though I’m not fat per se, I’m rather curvy and could do with losing at least a few pounds. A few days ago I had gone out for dinner to this nice place, and I had called him up to tell him how fantastic the food there was, and how I had stuffed myself. But before I could properly launch into my story, he started talking about how, if I eat so much, one day I will blow up to the size of a balloon and how he is sad that he will never have a hot girlfriend. I fell silent, and he probably realized that maybe (even jokingly) he had crossed a line. He apologized, and we hung up.

Now,I have no qualms about people who speak their minds, and as such, shouldn’t have a problem with my boyfriend speaking the truth as well. However, I find myself feeling rather hurt and sad at his repeated assertions about this, and it’s taking a toll on my relationship. Tell me, am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Should I say/ do something so that my boyfriend stops saying these things? The thing is, even if he DOES stop saying this, at the back of my mind I’ll always be thinking that even though he’s not saying this out aloud, he’s probably thinking that I’m not good looking enough. What should I do? — Not Hot Enough

What the f**k is wrong with your boyfriend? No, really. What kind of guy says the kinds of things he has said to you and thinks he’s actually going to keep his girlfriend? It makes me wonder if he’s not actually trying to get you to break up with him, perhaps too coward to make the break himself. And, of course, this begs the question: why, why, why have you stayed with this jackass? He’s cruel, he’s rude, and he has no class. Not only that, but it doesn’t seem he cares for you very much, and if he’s attracted to you at all, he sure has a funny way of showing it.

Come on now, get some self-respect and MOA. If he’s treating you this lousy now, it’s only going to get worse, and the worse it gets, the harder your ego will be hit. Don’t let this jerk damage your self-esteem. Dig deep and find the power to let this loser go. Tell him you love yourself too much to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate everything you have to offer — looks and curves and all — and that you’ll be damned if you’re going to spend any more time with a guy who can’t stop comparing you to your hot friend. Life’s too short for that kind of degrading bullshit, and there are plenty of other guys out there who would love the company of a woman like you. Why waste another second on someone who doesn’t, or at least not in the way you want him to? MOA, sister. MOA.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter.

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