Culturista: Your Guide To The Week, From “Paranormal Activity 3″ To The “Jersey Shore” Finale

Let’s face it: keeping up with pop culture is difficult. With more than 1000 channels worth of TV shows, not to mention a new flood of movies and music every week, it’s practically a full-time job to keep up with everything. Luckily, it is our full-time job. So after the jump, your cheat sheet to the TV shows you need to watch, the albums you need to hear, and the movies you need to see. This week, we’ve got “Paranormal Activity 3,” a Smiths boxset, and puppies vs. babies!

On The Big Screen:

  • “Paranormal Activity 3,” out Friday. The latest in the hyper-“real” series is directed by the two dudes who directed “Catfish” and apparently there is a media blackout in advance of the movie hitting theaters. This usually means the movie sucks, but I’m hoping it’s just that scary and that it has a twist that they don’t want to get out.
  • “Weekend,” out Thursday. This low-budget drama about a semi-closed lifeguard (Tom Cullen) and a far more outgoing artist (Chris New) was a breakout hit at SXSW and scored a solid A- review from Entertainment Weekly. In a week with not much good hitting the big screen, this looks like your best best.

On The Small Screen:

  • “Miss Representation,” Thursday at 9 p.m. (EST) on OWN. In this much-hyped documentary, Jennifer Siebel Nersom digs deep into how the media and society at large have contributed to a host of frightening statistics about women and girls. Newsom talks with influential women like Jane Fonda and Condoleezza Rice about, among other things, the rate of eating disorders among women and girls and the lack of female representation in congress. Consider this a much watch.
  • “Jersey Shore,” season finale, Thursday at 10 p.m. (EST) on MTV. Watch Snooki, The Situation and the gang finally leave Italy in peace.
  • “American Masters: Pearl Jam Twenty,” Friday at 9 p.m. (EST) on PBS. Cameron Crowe’s documentary about the rock band — who celebrated their 20th anniversary this year — was in theaters for only a few weeks last month. This is your chance to see it for free. I have already seen it twice and cried both times, but I an a dork.
  • “Puppies Vs. Babies,” Saturday at 10 p.m. (EST) on Animal Planet. Hey, who gave Animal Planet permission to climb into my subconscious and create a show about my constant internal battle over whether babies of puppies are cuter? So rude.
  • “Once Upon A Time,” Sunday at 8 p.m. (EST) on ABC. Jennifer Morrison and Ginnifer Goodwin star in this show about a New England town in habited by fairy-tale characters. I predict this show will either be a huge hit or a total bomb. Will you be watching?

On Your Headphones:

  • Jane’s Addiction, The Great Escape Artist, out Tuesday. Story time! The summer before 8th grade, my parents enrolled me in an acting class — so cruel — and we had to act out one of our favorites songs. I chose “Jane Says.” I’m not entirely sure what my skit entailed, but it certainly was less depressing than the one set to Suzanne Vega’s “My Name Is Luka.” I’m not entirely convinced that I am interested in Jane Addition’s 8th studio album, but this isn’t about me, is it? For the record, I do miss Porno for Pyros.
  • Patrick Stump, Soul Punk, out Tuesday. Patrick Stump is the second most recognizable guy from Fall Out Boy, after Mr. Ashlee Simpson, of course. And he isn’t even all that recognizable anymore since he lost a ton of weight. All that being said, Stump is immensely talented, if you’re into that pop punk thing, and his solo record is one of the more anticipated albums of the year. Fun fact: did you know his last name was originally “Stumph” with an H at the end?
  • The Smiths, The Smiths Complete box set, out Tuesday. If I seem sad for the rest of the week, blame Moz.