Stop the presses: Yanni adopted a female baby panda this weekend from the Chengdu Giant Panda Research Base in China, which he named Santorini. First of all: SQUEEEE. Second of all: Santorini? Third of all: What? I can’t pick which part of this news is more absurd: China permitted a rare individual to adopt a baby panda and it was not me, or that the person who was allowed to adopt was YANNI. The panda officials said they picked Yanni as an adoptive dad because of “the inspiration and harmony his music brings.” Yeah? Well, my posts about vibrators and kinky sex acts bring inspiration to the people, too, ya know. [9news.com]Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.