Another Terrible Ex-BF: Guy Tries to Murder Ex by Pretending to Be a Bear

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. All Clyde Gardner had to do was kill a bear, skin it, and wear the bear skin and claws to attack his ex-girlfriend. That way, no one would be able to track her murder back to him. And yet! Somehow this foolproof plan — ripped right outta the plot of “The Wicker Man” — went horribly awry. Shocking! Eventually Gardner realized that the whole killing and skinning a bear thing might actually be kind of hard work — even though he lived in rural Malone, NY, where one might reasonably encounter a bear or two if one was really trying. So Gardner got lazy and hired a hit man.

The only problem? The hitman wasn’t exactly a professional — just his friend. And he barely bothered to pay the guy, giving him only $500 in deposit on what was supposed to be a $15,000 job. Gardner instructed his friend to drive his car into the ex, with the hope that the accident would kill her on impact. If that didn’t work (and let’s face it, that’s a mighty terrible plan), the friend was to slash the ex-girlfriend’s neck with a broken piece of glass.

But since there is no honor among Clyde Gardner’s thieving friends, the would-be hitman went to the police instead and ratted on him. Maybe that bear attack plan isn’t looking so bad now, after all. What a creep. [ABC News]