• Sex

First Time For Everything: Phone Sex

As I laid on the couch, having a very regular, very non-inspiring evening alone watching baseball, I got an onslaught of sexts from the woman I was dating. After a series of lewd and kind of hilarious d**k pics, she replied with what looked like a Vogue magazine worthy, very tasteful, classy black and white digital nude. I got harder than Chinese algebra. I went from zero to phone sex in a matter of seconds. I dialed my woman. It was the next logical step.

I summoned my courage, let myself go, and started to dirty talk freestyle like Jay-Z on the corner tryin’ sell his first mixtape. I was pulling out lines like “I wanna make you cum like the mighty Mississippi” like they were my every day, run-of-the-mill banter. I had broken through.

Related: Mind Of Man: Why Men Send Pictures Of Their Penises

“What are you gonna do to me?” she asked, purring.

With my left hand holding the phone and my right holding my penis, I responded.  ”I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do to you.  I’m gonna … wait, what am I gonna do to you?”

Was this really happening? Was I having phone sex for the first time in my life and drawing a blank? Yes, I was.

Humor and verbal repartee have always been my go to. When you grow up with two brothers and several male uncles, you learn how to defend against vulnerability and insecurity. But having armor comes at a cost. I’m coming up on my 33rd birthday and I’m still, in so many ways, a frightened 15-year-old boy, stumbling to find the right words to say to women. My fears become blatantly evident in my ability to be intimate and commit in a relationship.

So here I was, with my Johnson lubed up, talking to this drop dead sexy woman. She was being totally vulnerable with me and I was clamming up. I couldn’t let this happen.

I summoned up my courage, let myself go, and started to dirty talk freestyle like Jay-Z on the corner tryin’ sell his first mixtape. I was pulling out lines like, “I wanna make you come like the mighty Mississippi” like they were my every day, run-of-the-mill banter. I had broken through. I kept going, telling her, “I am going to tie you up, and go down on you until the neighbors have to call the police because of your screaming.” It was going so well that I blew my load two minutes into the campaign. But this was no time to abort the mission, I wanted my girl to finish. I cleaned myself up with a Wii controller and an L.L. Bean catalog and continued slinging the dirty talk until she was losing her mind.  ”You are going to ride me until you get there, I don’t care how long it takes,” I commanded.

Then it happened.  She screamed bloody murder.  I was ecstatic. I played a part in that orgasm.

Related: First Time For Everything: Hitting The Big O

The key to my first successful phone sex session was absolute vulnerability.  I had to be willing to go out on a limb, to lose myself in her, and quite possibly, sound awkward and make mistakes. We all live in fear to some extent.  It’s how we manage and walk through the fear that makes life worth living. New is scary, but new is good.

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