The Good, The Bad & The WTF: “Jersey Shore,” After The Violence

When we last left off with “Jersey Shore,” Ronnie and Mike got into a screaming match about Ron’s on-again, off-again girlfriend Sammi and Ronnie beat Mike to a pulp, sending him to the hospital. At least, that’s what it looked like thanks to MTV’s editing. It’s true that Mike and Ronnie — whom I will henceforth refer to as Testoster-Ronnie — had a brawl. But we came to find out in this week’s episode that all is not what it seemed.

Spoilers (and lots of disturbing Ronnie/Sammi abuse) after the jump… The Good:

  • MTV hired big, hulking bodyguards/cameramen/whatever large enough to break up the fight and pin down Testoster-Ronnie. Whoever made that hiring decision gets a gold star.
  • Pauly D goes with Mike to the hospital to get his concussion checked out, which was a really stand-up thing to do.
  • Vinny gives Ronnie some real talk: “I don’t like when you act like that, my dude. When you drink, you literally become a hothead. It’s scary. It’s not worth it. … We’ll work on it together.” That might have been the most emotionally mature thing anyone said the entire episode. And I definitely LOLed when Ronnie commented, “Vinny is the Dr. Phil in the house.”
  • This quote from Snooki: “The best times are with your girls.” It’s the truth.
  • This quote from J-Woww: “Who wants to get naked and spray-tanned?”

The Bad:

  • How did Mike get hurt? He bashed his own head into the wall. This is too stupid to even respond to. Moving on!
  • Testoster-Ronnie shoves Sammi around some more. This relationship is so physically abusive and gross. Both of these people need epic amounts of therapy.
  • This quote from J-Woww, about Sammi: “You need to walk away because you’re the reason he’s getting amped up.” Excuse me? Sammi is the reason that Ronnie is so worked up? Ronnie is a f**king grown-ass man. He is responsible for his own behavior. Period. I actually liked you, J-Woww, but that was victim-blaming and idiotic.
  • Vinny doesn’t understand or speak enough Italian to understand why some guys are picking a fight with him in the club. Seriously, MTV should have given them a crash course in beefing.

The WTF:

  • Why is The Situation screaming at Ronnie “I don’t get involved in your relationship!”? Does he think that? He gets involved in everyone’s business.
  • Testoster-Ronnie screams at Sammi, “I’ve been calling girls since I got here.” Women of America, I call upon you to band together and never have sex with this man again, ever.
  • Pauly D’s recap of the Ronnie and Mike fight and his criticism that neither guy really knows how to throw a punch. Uh, shouldn’t he be happy neither of his roommates got their head bashed in?
  • Ronnie sobs to J-Woww, “I did my best.” Yeah?
  • The hospital lets Mike go home from the hospital with a light concussion and a neck sprain by himself. I’m not a doctor, but this doesn’t seem like a good idea.
  • Pauly was “white boy wasted” when he got into a beef at the club, says Vinny. What does that even mean?
  • Ronnie comes back from the club with a bouquet of flowers for Sammi. WTF is that about? You don’t give your ex-girlfriend a bouquet of flowers.

[ “Jersey Shore”]

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