The “Dancing With The Stars” Cast: 14 Predictions For This Season

Last night during “Bachelor Pad,” ABC unveiled the lineup for the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.” While I am shocked and dismayed that Queen Latifah is not among the ranks, I am totally thrilled by who they selected. Here are the women: Kristin Cavallari (of “The Hills’), Ricki Lake (of hello, do I need to explain?), Chynna Phillips (of Wilson Phillips), Nancy Grace (the newscaster), and Elisabetta Canalis (the Italian television star and recent ex of George Clooney). And the men: Ron Artest (the Los Angeles Laker), Carson Kressley (of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”), Robert Kardashian (the younger brother of Kim), and Chaz Bono (the son of Cher and Sonny Bono who used to be a she.) And the two people who it’s a stretch to call stars: JR Martinez (the “All My Children” actor who was burned while serving in Iraq) and Hope Solo (the goalie of the US women’s soccer team. No relation to Han.)

After the jump, 14 predictions on what we think will happen this season.

  1. Ricki Lake will get a perfect score doing the cockroach, a la “Hairspray.”
  2. Robert Kardashian and Kristin Cavallari will do some major flirting. This will be all kinds of wrong since Kristin used to date Brody Jenner, Robert’s step-brother.
  3. Carson Kressley will give Chaz Bono a manly makeover.
  4. David Arquette and Elisabetta Canalis will hook up because it will get under Courteney Cox and George Clooney’s skin, respectively.
  5. Kristin Cavallari will try to steal David away from Elisabetta, but will be turned off when he cries during sex.
  6. Ricki Lake will get everyone talking about their personal problems and will get a weight loss endorsement deal when she wins.
  7. Chynna Phillips will do the Viennese waltz to “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips, and will be joined onstage by the rest of the group to recreate the penultimate scene of “Bridesmaids.”
  8. Nancy Grace will get fed up with the off-screen interviewers. She will grab a microphone and start asking insightful questions of her fellow contestants herself.
  9. Ron Artest will refuse to wear a shirt the entire season.
  10. Chaz Bono will do a dance to “I’ve Got You Babe.”
  11. Elisabetta Canalis will give someone a lap dance. Hey, she’s already given one on TV.
  12. During a particularly romantic dance, Kristin Cavallari will have an emotional meltdown about her recently ended engagement to Jay Cutler.
  13. We will all develop crushes on Robert Kardashian.
  14. Ricki Lake will do a dance inspired by natural home births.

What do you hope happens this season?

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