Culturista: Your Guide To The Week From “Shark Night 3D” To Beirut’s New Album

Sadly, it is the last week in August. The past few weekends have been nasty out (thanks a lot Irene) and thus, I’m starting to get a little depressed about the fact that summer is slipping away. But never fear. As a friend reminded me the other week, this amazing season actually lasts until September 23rd. So schedule in a few last barbecues and a beach trip. And check out this week’s best movies, TV shows, albums and more.
On The Small Screen:

  • “Hoarders,” season finale, tonight at 9 p.m. (EST), A&E. For the final episode of the season, A&E drops in and revisits some of the memorable characters from last year to see how much progress they have made. Sounds like the perfect thing to Tivo for after “Bachelor Pad.” Which you couldn’t pay me not to watch.
  • “Cuff’d,” series premiere, tonight at 11 p.m. (EST), MTV. MTV does documentary television so, so well. So I am very interested in this new series which seems part “Cops,” part “16 and Pregnant.”
  • “Quirky,” Tuesday at 10 p.m. (EST), Sundance Channel. Bless Entertainment Weekly for directing my attention to this new series, about a company that takes people’s off-the-wall product ideas and makes them a reality. I need to show them my calculator tie!
  • “Hot in Cleveland,” season finale, Wednesday at 10 p.m. (EST), TV Land. The ladies wake up after Elka’s bachelorette party and have no idea where Elka is or what happened the night before. Sounds like a “Hangover” send up to me. In which case—she’s on the roof!

On The Big Screen:

  • “The Debt,” in theaters Wednesday. Helen Miren, Jessica Chastain, and Sam Worthington star in this thriller about a trio of Mossad agents who capture a Nazi war criminal. Only 30 years later, it appears that it didn’t go as they’d said.
  • “Shark Night 3D,” in theaters Friday. The thing to see if you were into “Piranha 3D.” The thing not to see if you are planning a trip to the beach this weekend.
  • “A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy,” in theaters Friday. The plot of this flick seems a bit flimsy—Jason Sudeikis and decides to throw an orgy when his parents threaten to sell their beach house. But it stars Jason, Leslie Bibb, Lake Bell, and lots of others I love, so I am giving it a chance.

On Your Headphones:

  • Beirut, The Rip Tide, out Tuesday. Do you like the ukelele? Then you should definitely listen to the third album from Beirut, the brainchild of Zach Condon.
  • Lil Wayne, Tha Carter IV, out Tuesday. Lil Wayne failed to thrill us last night at the VMAs. And critics are jumping on the he’s-just-not-as-good-as-he-was-before-prison bandwagon. Do we agree?
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers, I’m With You, out Tuesday. The memory of Anthony Kiedis running shirtless in “Under the Bridge” is enough to get me to check out their new album. Hey, it was our “Baywatch.”
  • Cobra Starship, Night Shades, out Tuesday. For anyone who can’t get “I Make Them Good Girls Go Bad” out of their head.

Also On Your Radar:

  • Holler, holler! You have made it to Labor Day, so enjoy the day off on Monday. And don’t you dare put away the white shoes.
  • Will Arnett and Keri Russell’s show “Running Wilde” is available on DVD tomorrow, and I have a feeling it will work far better viewed in rapid succession.
  • It’s s’mores time, people. Tomorrow is National Toasted Marshmallow Day. Don’t let this one pass you by.

What are you looking forward to this weekend?