We’re Breaking Up: You Showed Up At The Club In A Baby Tee

Dear Boyfriend,

You already don’t have a job, don’t pay the bills, and don’t take me out — which makes you a metaphorical baby. So when you went out and bought this asinine baby body tee from Fred Flare and wore your baby-ness on your sleeve, I reached my friggin’ limit. Don’t Captain my Tenille, I know what’s up. You are never going to grow up. Never. Leave my house keys on the table. Smell you and your pet ferret later. We’re breaking up!

Toodles!

Julie

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