Dating Fact: At A Certain Point, A Long First Date Actually Becomes A Second Date
A few months ago I was flipping out to one of my guy friends about my love life, as I often do. (Sorry, guys.) I had gone on a second date to eat a home-cooked meal at a gentleman’s apartment and ended up spending the night. We didn’t have sex, but we did in lots of other activities that aren’t your typical second date material. Of course, come Monday morning, I started freaking out that this gentleman caller would lose interest in me because we’d done too much too soon. So I instant messaged my friend D., who is also single, and asked what he thought.
“What time did all this happen?” He IMed back.
“I don’t know,” I wrote. “I came over for dinner at eight, we ate dinner and dessert, then we talked on the couch for a long time and he gave me a footrub. After midnight?”
“Oh, that’s fine, then,” D. wrote back. “When a date goes into the wee hours of the morning, it really becomes another date. And hooking up on a third date is pretty standard.”
Oooooh, I thought to myself. That makes sense! Let’s call this “the principle of elongated dating.”Related: 6 Things Not To Do On A First Date
I experienced “the principle of elongated dating” once again this weekend when I met up for drinks with a different gentleman caller. We hit it off gangbusters! Seriously, I have not had this kind of connection with a guy since Ex-Mr. Jessica on our first date. Drinks became dinner, dinner became a concert, and the concert became a dance club. Around 3:30 in the morning, sleeping in my own bed alone that night was the furthest thing from my mind. We’d both had a fair number of drinks, but I still had the presence of mind to question whether going home together on our first date was a good idea.
“It really became the second date at 2 a.m.,” my gentleman caller told me. “First date is from start to 1 a.m. and then after that, it becomes the second date.”
Fine with me!
The next morning, we couldn’t pry ourselves away from each other. We had breakfast and watched some TV and even took a snuggly nap. “I think this has become a third date by now,” I told him in the afternoon. He agreed. (I did go home eventually, after nearly 20 straight hours in each other’s company.)
We’re going on a second date sometime this week. Or is it a fourth date? I’m not sure. Either way, it’s clear all the “rules” about how to act on the first, second, third date, etc. should be called off because we’ve upset the natural timeline of things. And even though that makes me a little bit nervous because generally I’m more comfortable with “traditional dating,” I’m thrilled to have finally met a guy eight months after my Big, Bad Breakup that gives me the same butterflies I once had with my ex.
Do you agree that if a first date goes on long enough, it automatically becomes a second date? And can a lo-o-o-ong first date become a third date, too, or am I just crazy with this “principle of elongated dating” stuff? Let us know in the comments!