Date Like A Gay Man

“I met someone I really like,” my friend Greg*, who’s gay, announced.

“That’s great!” I said. “Is it serious?”

Yes, he felt it might be. But that hadn’t stopped him from keeping his options wide open while finding out. Greg proceeded to tell me that since meeting his new romantic interest, he had hooked up with three other guys, had a man that he saw when he was in town from San Francisco, and 12 others that he was flirting with online. Related: 9 Things I Dread About Dating

“So when does it officially become serious?” I asked.

“When we take our Grindr profiles down,” he explained.

My mouth was agape. His nonchalant attitude about the sheer magnitude of men he was messing with while seriously interested in someone blew my mind. I get confused if there are two men I’m juggling. I would probably spontaneously combust if there were 17.

Our conversation was illuminating though. If I were talking to one of my single girlfriends, we’d probably be discussing whether or not her new guy was relationship material, not how many other options she would have if things didn’t work out. A-ha! this must be how straight men approach dating! I thought. They don’t really take it too seriously, until it’s actually really serious.

Related: Dating Don’ts: Thou Shalt Not Ghost

I learned from talking to Greg that men are not generally afraid of commitment or monogamy, it’s just that they take it more seriously than women do. Whereas we women take each of their romantic partners seriously until we discover that he is not to be taken seriously, men do the opposite. Until they actually decide a certain special someone is worthy of the hunker down, they continue looking.

We may not ever be inclined to date like men, but there is a certain wisdom to learn from the way men date. I’m not suggesting I should date 17 men at once like Greg — I would never remember all of their names. Plus, I’m too much of a germaphobe. But I think as I get back out there in the dating world, I will follow Greg’s lead and leave my options open. Until some lucky lad proves his worth, I will date more like a gay man.

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