The Good, The Bad & The WTF: “Jersey Shore” Lands In Italy!

Ciao! Sta sera, e stata la premiere di “Jersey Shore.” La banda è in Italia. In genere, e stato molto bello episodio. Qui è il buono, il brutto, e il WTF momenti. Buon divertimento!

Translation of my terrible Italian: Hello! Last night was the premiere of “Jersey Shore.” The gang is in Italy. In general, this was a wonderful episode. Here are the good, the bad, and the WTF moments. Please enjoy!
The Good:

  • Love that JWoww and Roger are still together and that he was teaching her how to beat off — not like that! — the Italian guys who will no doubt be catcalling her in Florence. Let’s hope she manages to stay faithful…
  • Oh, thank GOD. Sammi and Ronnie are at least starting off this season broken up. Let’s see how long this lasts.
  • Snooki’s pair of “I Heart Vinny” undies! So cute. Where can I get a pair?
  • Speaking of Vinny, I think it’s kind of sweet that he doesn’t want Snooki and The Situation to hook up (more on that in WTF); might he be carrying a little “I Heart Snooki” torch of his own?
  • Another sweet Vinny moment: getting off the plane in Italy for the first, I love that he touched the ground and referred to it as “the motherland.” He seems genuinely psyched about experiencing his family’s native country for all it has to offer.
  • The crew’s Florence pad is amazing — love the black and white floor. Sigh. Florence is one of my Top 5 Spirit Cities. I hope these crazy kids realize how lucky they are to spend so much time there.

The Bad:

  • Obviously, a Sammi/Ronnie reunion is inevitable. Their slow-mo kiss made me retch. Please, please, producers, I beg of you, don’t torture us by making their ridiculously abusive relationship and its many ups and down the primary plot line this season. Cannot take it.
  • I like a bidet as much as the next person who appreciates a clean booty, but Vinny likes it more. “Feels good on lonely nights” huh? Guess we know his special spot.
  • I stopped swooning over Vinny when he said his first goal was to find out Italy’s “age of consent.” Gross, dude.
  • Sammi and Deena are now shilling for 6-Hour Power Shots, a product that I am pretty sure is not supposed to be taken with the liters and liters of alcohol these two drink. Also, their commercials are worse than Ronnie’s ads for Xenadrine.
  • That pained look on Pauly’s face as he was making out with Deena was painful for me to watch.

The WTF:

  • Wait, wait, wait, Snooki and The Situation hooked up? When she was already seriously involved with her juicehead? What was she thinking?! And why is he being such a gossip about it? I strongly dislike The Situation. He’s a troublemaker.
  • Sigh. Snooki, sometimes I don’t know if you’re legit stupid or just pretending to be. Really, you think Europe is “that big country” comprised of “England and Britain and Italy” and you can’t find it on a map?
  • Florence is an incredibly walkable city. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why the gang decided to drive to breakfast their first morning in Italy. The streets are narrow and parking is terrible. Just walk, you lazy kids!
  • So, I have done my share of falling in Florence. The cobblestone streets making walking around in heels very difficult. But that does not explain why Deena is incapable of staying upright in flip-flops. Get it together, girl.
  • Meanwhile, can someone explain to me why Deena and Snooki are always toting around stuffed animals? Deena’s got a green squirrel and Snooki has her crocodile. Are they 5?

All in all, I found last night’s premiere to be worthy of four out of five fist pumps. Did you enjoy it?