Culturista: Your Guide To The Week, From “Jersey Shore” To Lollapalooza

In July, the summer seems so plentiful. There’s plenty of time to learn to sail and ride bikes in the park. But today is August 1—the date when, every year, I start feeling like summer is slipping through my fingertips, like the metaphorical sand I haven’t used to build a sandcastle. So my number one priority for this week is to spend as much time as possible outdoors. My second priority? To enjoy this week’s crop of movies, music and television. Hey, they are just as lovely as a long nap in a hammock.

After the jump, the shows, albums, flicks, and more you won’t want to miss this week.
On the Small Screen:

  • The Bachelorette,” season finale. Tonight, 9 p.m. (EST), ABC. Will Ashley Hebert be lucky enough to walk away with JP? Or at least Ben? Will one of them be bold enough to slip a ring on her finger? Or will they both fall into her I’m-not-good-enough web of self-doubt? We shall find out tonight.
  • “Take The Money And Run,” series premiere. Tuesday, 9 p.m. (EST), ABC. As someone who is thoroughly obsessed with bank robberies, this new reality show sounds amazing. A team is given a suitcase containing $100,000. If they can keep investigators from finding it within 48 hours, they get to keep it.
  • Jersey Shore,” season premiere. Wednesday Thursday, 10 p.m. (EST), MTV. This season when the GTLers go to Italy, we have been promised unusual hookups (Snooki and The Situation? Deena and Pauly D?), unexpected fights (Snooki and J-Woww? Ronnie and The Situation?), and lots of confusion about how to use a bidet. I won’t lie—I cannot wait.


On the Big Screen:

  • “The Change-Up,” in theaters Friday. You know how when you’re single, you secretly envy your coupled-up friends’ lives? And how when you’re in a relationship, the reverse happens? This movie takes on this idea, “Freaky Friday”-style, with Jason Bateman playing the family man while Ryan Reynolds is the single one.
  • “The Whistleblower,” in theaters Friday. We shall call this one: Rachel Weisz’s second Oscar bait. In it she plays Kathryn Bolkovac, a police officer who is sent into Bosnia as a UN peacekeeper and uncovers a human trafficking scandal that cuts deep.
  • “Bellflower,” in theaters Friday. Several film festival afficionados raved to me about this movie. It’s about a pair of best friends who worship “Mad Max” and are hard at work on building a flame thrower. When one of them falls in love, and out of it just as quickly, his apocalyptic fantasies take over. For the record, this movie left a nasty taste in my mouth—mainly because it is as dude as a flick can get. But I did find it interesting and beautifully shot.
  • “Another Earth,” in theaters now. Wait, you still haven’t seen this movie after I’ve recommended it twice in a row? I’m telling you, it’s amazing.


On Your Headphones:

  • Fountains of Wayne, Sky Full of Holes, out tomorrow. They sure have grown up since the days of “Stacy’s Mom.” This new album is more sedate and much more surf guitary than what we’ve heard before.
  • Moonface, Organ Music Not Vibraphone Like I’d Hoped, out tomorrow. What would happen if Jim Morrison started making electronic music? That’s my best attempt at describing Moonface, the new side project from Wolf Parade’s Spencer Krug, which has both hippie and electro-pop tinged. Love it.
  • Greyson Chance, Hold On Til The Night, out tomorrow. I’m sorry, but this little guy is sweet. If you have a niece you want to bond with, I recommend checking out this new album from the new Justin Bieber. If you don’t, he’ll “Unfriend You.”
  • It’s a big week for reissues and remixes. Grab the deluxe edition of Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs, which includes two new songs and a book. Or the remastering of Archers of Loaf’s classic Icky Mettle, which comes with a bonus disk of B-sides. Or head over to Radiohead.com for a new set of remixes of songs by the likes of Pearson Sound and Four Tet.


Also on Your Radar:

  • Hey y’all, it is National Cactus Month. Celebrate by getting a little guy for your desk. Hey, you won’t have to water him. That often.
  • Chicago gets all the music festival fun these days. Just weeks after the Pitchfork fest, it’s time for Lollapalooza 2011, featuring Eminem, Coldplay, Foo Fighters, and Muse, Lykke Li, Cee Lo, and many more. Get ready to feel old: it’s the 20th anniversary of the original.
  • You have exactly 54 days left of summer. Make the most of it by taking a surf lesson or planning a vacation. Seriously, your office can do without you for a few days.