22 Guy Careers That Sound Great On Paper, But Just Aren’t In Actuality

When I was younger, I thought that dating a professional baseball player would be awesome. Free VIP seating at every game, the notoriety of being a celebrity wife, plus getting to look at a chiseled, athletic body every day? Sign me up! I thought. Well, life has taught me to be more of a realist. First of all, what are the chances I could actually come into contact with and successfully seduce a pro athlete? Second, what about road games? I mean, would he ever be home? And then there are the groupies. I try not to be territorial or jealous (note: try) but those girls are ruthless!

So, I was thinking: How many more potential professions sound amazing, but have some major downsides? Check out these guy careers and the reasons that dating these gainfully employed men might be more difficult than you think.

    1. The Chef. Having a man cook amazing meals for you all the time sounds perfect, especially if the kitchen scares you the way it scares me. But plan on spending nights and weekends alone; he’s got other people to feed, too! And that dreaded extra few pounds that can come with falling in love? It could easily turn into an extra 30.

Related: 10 Common Dude Lies Decoded

    1. The Doctor. Sure, you might get prescriptions without having to leave the house. That’ll come in handy when you have strep throat. But the fact is, he will spend more time at the hospital or his office than he will at home. Saving lives is admirable (and hot), but it is no part-time gig. And if you are with him through med school, you probably won’t have a date until after his residency is finished.
    2. The Teacher. During the school year, he wakes up at the crack of dawn every day. And between grading papers and preparing lesson plans, he might find it necessary to school you about what he’s teaching his students. (What—you’ve never thought about the comparisons between classic urban and pastoral literature?) Summers off sound great, but what are the chances that you get a three month break, too? Watching him sleep while you schlep to work every day would only be cute for a few days.
    3. The Musician. Rock stars can be really sexy, especially if he’s the lead singer. But what if he’s the lead opera singer? Or lead death metal singer? I would find difficulty in being the ever-supportive and present-at-very-gig girlfriend. Plus, if he’s good, he’s on tour. If the time away from home doesn’t get to you, maybe those groupies will.
    4. The Life Coach. Being constantly positive and uplifting may come with great benefits … unless you’re in a pissy mood. Plus, you want to be the one to map out your life. His thoughts are great, but you can handle it on your own.

Related: The Ghosts (Or At Least Stuff) Of Exes Past

  1. The Politician. It goes without saying that you better be on the same party line or you’ve got problems. And what if that conservative, first-lady attire is just not your style? Michelle Obama is working it, but so many first wives before her have not. Plus all that baby-kissing spreads germs–always carry hand sanitizer with you. One other thing I should mention—politicians are infamous for sex scandals.
  2. The Male Model. Sounds nice to have some arm candy. But when he stares in the mirror for hours a day or whips up an egg yolk mask to help his pores, it will not be sexy. He may have some other talents, but a man who makes a living on his good looks is bound to be a little conceited.
  3. The Architect. On paper, it’s sexy (for real, blueprints are hot). But in reality, they work in mega offices and are frustrated by how rarely they actually get to be creative.
  4. The Actor.Two words: Drama King. He’s an actor for a reason. Plus, there’s a huge chance he’s waiting tables in between gigs. Not knocking that at all, but see: “The Chef.”
  5. The Therapist. If analysis is his thing, don’t be so naive to think he’s not analyzing you. Tying a bad mood to your dad being a grouch when you were younger isn’t necessarily off-base, but it sure is annoying.
  6. The Banker/Wall Street Guy. Get used to reminding him to take his hypertension meds. Frequent golf trips with his colleagues may be a great stress reliever, but it takes all day to play 18 holes.
  7. Related: Approval Matrix: Sexy Vs. Unsexy Hobbies For Dudes
  8. The Author/Screenwriter. There is no better material to inspire an essay, a book, a play, or a film than a relationship gone south. No matter what happens, he’s going to write about you. You will have no say. Your insecurity is no reason to detract from his creative freedom.
  9. The Artist. Sounds hot to have your boyfriend painting portraits of you, doesn’t it? But for most of these guys, the craft comes first—perhaps even before you. Not to mention the possibility of nudie photos becoming public knowledge if you break up.
  10. The Firefighter. We’ve known for a while now that men in uniform are sexy and that saving lives is too, but they get hazard pay for a reason. Running into burning buildings usually works out in the movies, but in reality, this is a really dangerous job. Plus, don’t they work crazy three-four day shifts? Get used to sleeping alone.
  11. The Cop. See: “The Firefighter.” Ask yourself if it’s really worth being able to easily get out of speeding tickets.
  12. The Furniture Maker. A man that’s good with his hands is great–except when he goes on trips without you to the Amazon to source wood. Or comes home missing part of a finger thanks to a saw malfunction.
  13. Related: 12 Little Things Guys Do That Impress Us Big Time
  14. The Tech Start-Up Entrepreneur. He thinks he’ll end up the next Mark Zuckerberg, and it would be rude to tell him he’s dreaming. But in reality, he has a high likelihood of taking out loans from his parents until the start-up folds.
  15. The Lawyer. Yeah, good luck arguing with this guy. He has perfected the art of persuasion and will be able to talk his way out of most situations. Plus, waiting for those not guilty verdicts can be nerve-racking. And if he makes partner, expect your social circle to include a lot more senior partner men and women he has to impress.
  16. The Blogger. Trust us—we do it ourselves. A lot of these guys will be CrackBerry addicted or iPhone obsessed, as their job is to constantly read RSS feeds. You may not care about the latest Rebecca Black viral video, but he has to.
  17. The Commission-Based Sales Guy. When things are great, they’re great, but try consoling him when he’s having a bad day/week/month/quarter/year.
  18. The Plastic Surgeon. His job is to find physical flaws and “fix” them. Just hope he’s not thinking of what “improvements” could be made to your naked body.
  19. The OB/GYN. Like “The Doctor” and “The Plastic Surgeon,” it’s cool that he helps people. But just think of which part of the female anatomy his head is in for most of the day.

What jobs do you think sound sexy, but wouldn’t actually be? And what are your experiences dating guys/girls in these professions—are our fears correct, or was it wonderful as advertised? And, uh, is there anyone left to date?

Want to contact the writer of this post? {encode=”[email protected]” title=”Email her”}!