94-Year-Old Woman Whoops A Kangaroo’s Ass

Over the weekend, in Queensland, Australia, a kangaroo named Eddie busted out of a gate and attacked a 94-year-old woman. Our first question: “Why was a kangaroo in Australia behind a gate anyway?” We’re not big fans of humans messing with wild animals (RIP Steve Irwin), but there is an explanation. Eddie was abandoned by his deadbeat parents as a young joey and grew up in captivity. He was recently injured and found his way to a kind soul who nursed him back to health. Well, Eddie was tired of being locked up and blew the joint. He seized the opportunity and snuck through an open gate, running (or hopping, or leaping, however they get around) as fast as a kangaroo can into the backyard of 94-year-old Phyllis Johnson.

Poor Mrs. Johnson was taken by surprise as Eddie knocked her to the ground and kicked her repeatedly. But she wasn’t backing down. She fought the roo off with a broom, and she did some damage, too. She is currently recovering and may need surgery on her leg. Still, Mrs. Johnson asked for mercy on Eddie: “I definitely do not want it killed,” she said. “I would like to see it given to a zoo or some other such animal park where it can be looked after.”

But her wish may not come true. Mrs. Johnson didn’t kill him and neither did the two cans of pepper spray wildlife officials used on him. But vets are recommending that he be put down because the injuries he sustained are too severe.

So what did we learn from this story? We’re not messing with any 94-year-old Australian women—ever. We already knew not to mess with kangaroos.

[Courier Mail]

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