Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Are You Honest About Your Porn Use?

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In a piece for The Good Men Project, Hugo Schwyzer writes about the many men he’s talked with who lie to their girlfriends/wives about the amount of porn they watch. One man told him that he downplays how much X-rated material he consumes because “women go ballistic when you tell them the truth.” Really? Do women actually go ballistic? Are dudes really lying about how much porn they watch? We decided to ask a few of the guys on our IM — who are ALWAYS honest with us — about this very subject. Find out what they had to say after the jump! And please, male Frisky readers, tell us whether you have lied about how much porn you watch and why. And ladies, would you actually go “ballistic” about your dude’s porn usage?THE PLAYWRIGHT, 36

Amelia: Have you been honest with your girlfriends about your porn usage?

The Playwright: If I’m going to lie about porn, then I’m probably going to lie about other things. And why would I lie to my girlfriend about porn? Because she’ll freak out and spray her puritan issues all over my face? I mean, why would she ask? If she’s asking because she wants to watch with me or do some recon about what turns me on, cool? But chances are if she is asking for that reason, then we have a trusting sexual relationship.

Amelia: If lying is a red flag, is her reaction — if it’s bad — a red flag too?

The Playwright: I think her asking is a red flag, frankly. I mean, look, not every man or woman who looks at porn is a degenerate sex addict. There is a such thing as the healthy consumption of visual sexual stimuli. But I would wager that most women who would ask, point blank, about a man’s porn habits is probably on a paranoid hunt to reveal that man as some kind of Weiner in hiding.

Amelia: I mean, maybe she’s asking out of curiosity. Maybe she finds it hot.

The Playwright: As I have stated, that is an option. But I think an unlikely one. The probability is that it’s a woman who has been whipped into a lather by some armchair shrink in the pages of a glossy magazine writing an irresponsible list about how your man’s porn habits and the likelihood he will cheat on you. So she does that thing where you’re eating dinner and then she ambushes you with a loaded question where you have little choice but to either lie or confirm her prejudice.

Amelia: Have you ever had a woman react badly?

The Playwright: Never. And if she did, I would image that would be what I would lovingly refer to as a relationship death rattle.

Related: Is Porn A Relationship Deabreaker?

THE FINANCE GUY

Julie: Have you been honest with your girlfriends about your porn usage?

The Finance Guy: Oh HELLS NO. I’m a pervert.

Julie: Really? You think so? More than most?

The Finance Guy: No, but men assume our threshold for this kind of thing is no where near a woman’s.

Julie: So you lie?

The Finance Guy: Yes, absolutely. It’s like the “does my butt look fat in these jeans” question. If it doesn’t: “NO.” If it does: “NO.” Manage that information. Every guy I know hides his porn predilections from his GF/wife and any girl who says you don’t have to is not a girl to take home to mom.

Julie: Why do you say that?

The Finance Guy: Look, I am fully in favor of everyone having their own “internal life” — those things you just don’t share. As long as it doesn’t include a separate family in Cleveland, it’s fine, healthy even. I don’t want to share that with a GF, even if she wants me to; it’s mine, for me and a girl who presses you to reveal it is either A) entrapping you or B) a swinger. I want my girlfriends to hate porn, because they should.

Related: 8 Female Celebs Who Are Into Porn

THE ACTOR, 31

Amelia: Have you been honest with your girlfriends about your porn usage?

The Actor: Absolutely. I hope that it inspires them to be equally as honest.

Amelia: Have they ever reacted negatively?

The Actor: Never negatively, but I certainly have gotten surprised reactions. I just had this conversation actually with the girl Im currently dating. She seemed a little shocked, but I think appreciated the honesty.

Amelia: Shocked because of the, ahem, frequency?

The Actor: Haha, I suppose. Men don’t watch porn like they watch TV shows. It serves a 3-5 minute purpose and then is quickly turned off.

Amelia: Same way chicks watch it, TRUST. Now, what if your girlfriend had freaked out? Like thought it was “too much” or that you were cheating on her in some way or something?

The Actor: Then we’d need to have a talk. Porn isn’t cheating, I don’t care how you slice the bread. It’s simply a quick way to relieve some stress/tension and continue on with our day.

Amelia: Agreed. But what if she found it offensive? Or bothered that you were getting off without her?

The Actor: If it was a big problem with her, then our compatibility would take a nosedive. I certainly wouldn’t want to lie to her about things, but I also know my masturbation habits aren’t changing.

Related: Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: When Do You Tell A Guy That Sex Is Off The Table?

THE WRITER

Julie: Have you been honest with your girlfriends about your porn usage?

The Writer: Actually, yes. She knows I like lesbian porn and has actually wanted to see some of it. We haven’t watched together yet, but not for lack of interest. She’s asked me and I’m happy to answer … she knows I’m not replacing her, I’m just taking care of things when she’s traveling for work.

Julie: So, you guys openly communicate but have you lied in the past?

The Writer: No, I’ve always been open — I don’t feel any shame or weirdness about it.

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