Dating Dilemma: 5 Ways To Combat Summer Sweat

Summer dating can be really romantic. Get a beer outdoors! Wear that sexy sundress! Show off your tan! It’s all fun and games until someone starts to sweat. And it will probably be you. At least in winter the worst you can do is shiver uncontrollably or slip on a patch of ice. I have done both and they have only served to make me more adorable to my dates. Sweating is not adorable in any way, shape, form. No man has ever complimented me on my shiny face, where my sweat tends to concentrate its attention. It’s gross. It’s the thing I dread happening most on a date. But when temperatures and humidity sky rocket, it’s inevitable. After the jump, some ways to combat your sweatiness on summer dates.

  1. Have an escape route. If you know it’s going to be a thousand degrees with a thousand percent humidity, shame on you for agreeing to have drinks at a rooftop bar. You are setting yourself up for failure. Why? You don’t really want to find love, do you? It’s none of my business. If you know you’re a sweaty beast, obviously you should suggest a trip to the movies or a museum or anywhere really, really cold. A walk-in refrigerator? If you do end up in a hot (temperature-wise) situation, map out your nearest possible air-conditioned escape routes. Is there an indoor bar down the block you can head to? Where’s the closest drug store in running distance? Where do they keep the ice cubes? It’s up to you to know where you can go to cool off when the waterworks begin.
  2. Clothing choice is key. Um, why are you wearing polyester? Do you ever plan on getting laid again? Wait, don’t answer that. Pick something easy, breezy, and made of cotton (the fabric of our lives) to wear on your date. Dress in very light or very dark colors. Anything that breathes and doesn’t show sweat rings preferably. Remember, only you can prevent pit stains.
  3. Maximize bathroom breaks. You have a lot to accomplish during your bathroom breaks, so come prepared. Bring pressed powder, wipes, talcum powder, and anti-perspirant. Pee if you need to, but use your away time from your date wisely. Powder up that shiny nose, mop down sweat in hard to reach crevices, and give yourself a whore’s bath if necessary.
  4. Consider the hanky. If you used toilet paper to absorb your sweat during your bathroom break, you are probably regretting it. (There may even be stray bits lurking in your cleavage or ass crack. That won’t be cute later, so double check.) You need a hanky! A vintage hanky carried in your purse or pocket will make you seem like an old-fashioned and classy gal. It will make you seem “dewey” instead of “perspire-y.” It will collect your pools of moisture without shedding itself all over your body. The best news is, you can pull it out and dab yourself in front of your date. He might even find it adorable.
  5. Call attention to your sweat. Turn your sweat into sweaty lemonade! Use reverse psychology. Instead of trying to hide your problem, draw attention to it. Lift up your hair, start fanning yourself with your menu, give him unmistakable clues that you’re too f**king hot. If he’s a good man, he’ll take over the job of cooling you down. Maybe he’ll even feed you grapes or mop your brow with your cute little hanky. At the very least he’ll order you a cold drink and run the ice cube up your thigh. Get him involved before things get worse. Men like to be of service and helping you stop the sweat will make him feel useful. Not to mention, make him feel more at ease about his own sweat. Chances are he’s schvitzing too. If all else fails and you find yourself drenched, point out your face/boob/ass sweat and make a joke about it. This is how I look after sex! I can’t guarantee that this will work, but acknowledging your sweatiness is better than pretending like it’s not happening. That would just make you seem crazy.

Want to contact the writer of this post? {encode=”[email protected]” title=”Email her”}!