Ryan Gosling Essentially Tells Dave Letterman That I Am Pretty

Last night, Ryan Gosling was on “Late Night with David Letterman,” and he had nothing but compliments for New York women. “Some of the prettiest women I have ever seen in my life live here,” he told Dave. “Also because it’s so hot they appear to you like some kind of mirage and they are all screaming into their cell phones.” Which brings me to STORY TIME. A couple weeks ago, Simcha — y’all remember Simcha, right? — texted me the following: “Your man is at Whole Foods!” Naturally, I knew she meant The Gos. I happened to be about, oh, 12 blocks away from the Whole Foods in question and considering that I have been frothing at the mouth for a Gosling sighting, I wasn’t about to let this opportunity slide. “Follow him,” I texted back. “I am on my way.” And I took off running. Well, running, and then walking fast because my side kept hurting, all while Simcha sent me text updates on Ryan’s journey through the grocery store. “He’s buying fruit!” “Now he’s in the fancy cheese section.” When I was two blocks away from Whole Foods, Simcha texted, “He’s in line, getting ready to check out.” I had done it. I had made it to Whole Foods in time. And appearing like a mirage himself, Ryan emerged from the store, a Whole Foods grocery bag hoisted over his shoulder, muscles bulging. And then I stood next to him, for approximately one minute, as he waited for the light to change and I pretended to be having a conversation on my cellphone. Just like one of the pretty women he described to Dave. So. Thank you for the compliment, Ryan. I find you to be rather attractive as well. [Celebitchy]

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