15 Reasons You Should Be Banned From The Internet

Over the weekend, my brother from another mother — and The Frisky’s Mind of Man — John DeVore posted a link to a funny slideshow on Dumb as a Blog called “10 Reasons You Should Be Banned From The Internet.” Such reasons include “you still check your MySpace account,” “you stalk your ex,” and “you obsessively Google yourself.” Fair enough, DeVore. I guess I’m banned. But before I accept my fate and disconnect from the internet entirely, here are 15 other reasons why the rest of you should be banned from the Internet (too).

  1. Your primary email address is via AOL.
  2. You’re giving duck lips in your social media profile pic.
  3. You have a joint Facebook account with your significant other.
  4. You use Twitter to broadcast cryptic and passive aggressive messages intended for your former significant other.
  5. You haven’t posted a photo online in months that wasn’t first filtered through Instagram.
  6. You have engaged in a war of words on Twitter.
  7. More than 30 percent of your Facebook friends are people you’ve never met in real life. More than 10 percent are people you don’t even like.
  8. You’ve created a Facebook “fan page” for yourself, but you haven’t actually done anything of note to become a fan of.
  9. You tweet at celebrities on a regular basis, as if you are friends with them in real life and engaged in some sort of conversation, but they’ve never tweeted back at you because, duh, they don’t know you from their 100,000 other Twitter followers.
  10. You’re single, you’ve got an online dating profile which you update regularly, and you peruse your matches daily, but haven’t been on a date in over three months.
  11. You blog compulsively about the hyper personal details of your life, even after you’ve seen it negatively impact your offline relationships.
  12. There’s a hate site dedicated to you that gets more internet traffic than your own personal blog.
  13. Every photo you upload of yourself has been photoshopped.
  14. You check into your own apartment/house on FourSquare.
  15. You check your email/Twitter/Facebook wall in the middle of the night.

Got any others to add, Frisky readers?

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