The Dumbest Things We’ve Done While Drunk

Earlier this week, Vinny was seen loading his bags into a car outside “Jersey Shore”‘s Seaside Heights house as he allegedly quit the show. Days later, The Situation stormed off, too, huffing and puffing to the paparazzi that he, “the bad guy,” was quitting, too. Drama, drama, drama.

So, how did a sensitive soul like Snooki cope with the breakup of her family unit? The only way Snooks knows how: she tied one on and danced with a potted plant. I am sure Louis Vuitton is thrilled about the product plug in the video footage of this special moment.

Aw, girl, we’ve all been there. In the spirit of summer weekends (!), I mixed myself a mojito and sauntered around the Frisky office, asking my colleagues: “What is the silliest thing you’ve done while drunk?” I already knew Amelia once fell into a lake (at a wedding). Oh, but it gets much, much, much funnier.

“The most silly thing I ever did was pretend to be an up-and-coming TV star named Emily Pizzaro who was slated to appear on ‘Gossip Girl.’ My friend pretended to be my publicist and we used the lie to con our way to the front of the line at stupid clubs in New York City’s Meatpacking District. We were hoping to get free bottle service but when the waitress asked for a credit card, we hightailed out of there. It was so dumb, but we did it for an entire night. In order to pull off ‘up and coming actress,’ I basically just looked bored and aloof the whole time and people totally bought it.

Oh, another thing I did — I gave a lapdance to a coworker in full view of the entire staff. God, it was so awkward the next day when I came into work and everyone gave me a standing ovation and the aforementioned coworker never looked me in the eyes again. [Jessica's note: Sadly, this was not at The Frisky.]” — Amelia

“This is not ‘funny’ so much as ‘gross’: the first time I ever got drunk in high school was with a bunch of friends and none of us knew how to hold our vodka shots. I was barfing, they were barfing, it was a mess. My friend was yakking into a shopping bag that I was holding. For some reason we were on the floor of a kitchen instead of near a toilet. I picked up the shopping bag, lifting it over his head to dump its contents into a sink … and it turns out it was a paper bag and all the puke soaked through and made the bottom give out! Puke splashed all over him and he started shrieking at me. Naturally, I decided to take his shirt off, wash it in the sink and put the wet shirt back on his body. It was just a bad, bad night all around.”— Jessica

“When I drink, I always dance around subway poles on the way home. Not stripper-like — it’s more little kid-esque. One time I hung from my knees on one of the bars over the seat.

And also: one night while I was out drinking with some friends, my roommates decided to rearrange the furniture in our living room. When I came home, I was convinced I was in the wrong apartment. I kept going in and out of the front door really confused until finally one of them came out of their rooms and explained what happened.

And I just remembered this one: one night while out drinking with the Frisky girls, we ran into a guy I’ve had a low grade crush on for years. We got to talking and after a few hours of flirting — and many more drinks — went outside and started making out. As we walked back into the bar, I fainted. (I do this sometimes, even when no alcohol is involved. It sucks. But this time, it was alcohol-related.) Like, fell-to-the-floor fainted. I was out for a few seconds and this guy was holding me up and saying my name, with a super panicked tone. He went and got me a water. And from then on, the vibe totally changed. ‘I feel like I hit some kind of nerve,’ I said to him. ‘Yeah,’ he responded. ‘My dad is an alcoholic.’ I never heard from him again.” — Kate

“I jumped off the roof of Frank Sinatra’s Twin Palm’s house into his piano-shaped pool. It was a Coachella party we threw when I worked at Anthem magazine. Frank was dead. After that year we weren’t allowed to throw parties there again.

Oh, another thing I did when drunk, which isn’t going to make any sense, was go to Brooke Hogan’s birthday party at Harrah’s in Atlantic City. My friend and I told every guido dude there it was my birthday and I posed for pictures with all of them. And then after we snapped a pic, we asked them if they would ‘whip it out.’ None of them did. SAD.” —Julie

“Once, I got locked inside a strip club. The end.” — John

We are embarrassing. And also, possibly, terrible people. What’s the dumbest, funniest, OMG-did-I-really? thing you’ve done while drunk? Tell us in the comments!

ALSO: DON’T DRINK UNDERAGE. OR DRINK AND DRIVE. THAT’S BAD.

Want to contact the writer of this post? {encode=”jessica@thefrisky.com” title=”Email her”}!

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