10 Common Dude Lies Decoded

Men are hard enough to understand when they’re telling the truth, nearly impossible when they’re lying. There are some common lies dudes tell us, usually because they think they will spare our feelings. Eh, not so much. Ladies are quick on the uptake when it comes to subtext. Better off to just tell the truth, guys. In honor of To Tell The Truth Day, we’ve decoded some standard dude lies after the jump. Now that you know we know guys, you can stop telling them.

  1. Lie: “I don’t want a girlfriend right now.”
    Translation: “I don’t want you to be my girlfriend right now.”
  2. Lie: “This never happens.” (Referring to limp penis)
    Translation: “Crap! Not again! I am soooooo embarrassed right now!”
  3. Lie: “My ex was crazy.” 
    Translation: “She was emotional and occasionally suffered from PMS and I was a jerk about it.”
  4. Lie: “Nah, nothing happened at the bachelor party. We just played poker and drank beers.” 
    Translation: “I found that stripper’s G-string inside one of my socks the next morning.”

  6. Lie: “Let’s do this again sometime. I’m really busy next week but let’s touch base soon.”
    Translation: “I don’t ever want to do this again. I have no intention of calling you.”
  7. Lie: “My best friend is a good guy. He’s just finding his way.”  
    Translation: “He’s an alcoholic and a womanizer who can’t hold down a job, but I’ve known him since we were 12, so I can’t say anything.”
  8. Lie: “This is my first time online dating.”
    Translation: “I’ve been on five online dates a month for the past year. It’s a miracle you’ve never seen my profile before.”
  9. Lie: “You’re too good for me.”

    Translation: “I have no idea why I don’t feel that spark with you, but I don’t.”
  10. Lie: “I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
    Translation: “Because, technically, it was twice, so doesn’t count.”
  11. Lie: “I value our friendship too much to ruin it.”
    Translation: “I’m gay and not ready to come out” OR “I am not even remotely attracted to you.”

What are some common dude lies that you’ve heard? And what do you think they really mean?