Shun, Shag, Or Marry: The Milquetoast Hosts Of Reality TV

Sure, Jeff Probst has dimples the size of the Grand Canyon, but his function on “Survivor” is pretty much only to deliver the line, “The tribe has spoken.” Oh, and to snuff out that flame. Like Chris Harrison on “The Bachelor” and Ryan Seacrest on “American Idol,” he mainly blends into the scenery of the show and doesn’t actually get to show much personality. So we were surprised to hear that Jeff will soon be hosting his on daytime talk show, which will cover everything from “newsmakers to ordinary families in extraordinary circumstances.” I’m just not sure what to expect with that. [EW]

In honor of Jeff’s new gig, I think it’s time to Shun, Shag, and Marry he and his fellow reality TV hosts.Shun: Chris Harrison
As a fan of both “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” Chris has always sort of bothered me. I mean when he steps in to say, ‘This is the final rose,’ every episode, I sometimes want to scream ‘duh.’ I also don’t like the way he interviews—sometimes it seems like he plants emotions in his questions like, “You’re completely heartbroken, aren’t you?” But it wasn’t until this season of “The Bachelorette” that I started to full on dislike Chris. Maybe the decision wasn’t his to make, but I still can’t believe that he didn’t explain to Ashley what a douche Bentley was and show her some of the interview footage where he insulted her, said she was a bad kisser, and explained that his intention coming on the show was to “play everyone.” Seriously, Chris should not have let Ashley pine after this guy for so long—she needed some tough love. So even though Chris seems like an alright dude otherwise—he married his high school sweetheart and hosts other non-offensive shows like “Designer’s Challenge” and “Mall Masters”—I’d have to kick him to the curb.

Shag: Ryan Seacrest
Ryan is the golden boy of reality competition TV show hosts. He seem destined to be a star since he was a young kid—his parents said that friends used to call their answering machine and marvel over his voice—and he landed his first major radio show by the time he as 20. Not to mention that his resume is jam packed—not only does he host “American Idol,” he does the radio show “On Air with Ryan Seacrest,” he took over for Dick Clark hosting “New Years’ Rockin’ Eve,” has a $21 million deal hosting for E!. Not to mention that his executive producing docket is full—he’s brought us several shows from “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” to “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated.” Sure, Ryan and Julianne Hough might be a thing, but we don’t think the guy really has time for love. So we propose admiring his classic good looks … in bed.

Marry: Jeff Probst
Not only does Jeff have three Emmys to his name, since he regularly beats out the two above for Outstanding Host For A Reality Program, but he’s also the one of this triad who I feel probably has the most personality, even if we don’t always get to see it. Why do I think this? Because of his awesome appearances on “MadTV” and the fact that he started out hosting “Rock and Roll Jeopardy.” Plus, Jeff is just a stand-up dude. He’s active in the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation and The Serpentine Project, which helps kids exiting foster care, plus developed a series called “Live for the Moment,” where he gave people with terminal illnesses got one last adventure. Plus, Jeff also happens to be an ordained minister and remarried his parents on 35th anniversary. I wonder what he’ll do for our big 3-5?

Who would you shun, shag, and marry?

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