Culturista: Your Guide To The Week, From The “True Blood” Premiere To Take Your Dog To Work Day

Let’s face it: keeping up with pop culture is difficult. With more than 1000 channels worth of TV shows, not to mention a new flood of movies and music every week, it’s practically a full-time job to keep up with everything. Luckily, it is my full-time job. So from now on, every Monday, I’ll be bringing you a cheat sheet of what’s coming down the pipeline this week so you shall never feel lost again.

After the jump, the TV shows you need to watch, the albums you need to hear, the movies you need to see, and much, much more.

On the Small Screen:

  • “United States of Tara,” series finale. Tonight, 10:30 p.m. (EST), Showtime. Toni Collette has continually thrilled us in this series about a woman battling dissociative identity disorder who has personalities that range from a bratty teenager to a Vietnam vet. The only info the network has dropped about the finale is that Tara “ponders extreme treatments.” Could she push her alter egos out for good?
  • “Wilfred,” series premiere. Thursday, 10 p.m. (EST), FX. This new show stars adorable Elijah Wood as he daydreams about his neighbor’s dog walking, talking, and dispensing life advice. It’s gotten lousy reviews, but I’m still very curious to see it because, well, it stars a guy in a dog suit. Plus, Louis CK’s amazing show “Louie” is on right after it, so nothing lost.
  • “True Blood,” session four premiere. Sunday, 10 p.m. (EST), HBO. “True Blood” is finally back! I repeat: “TRUE BLOOD” IS FINALLY BACK! If the first six minutes are any indication, we have in store another glorious season in store—this time, full of faeries and witches in addition to the vampires and werewolves.

On the Big Screen:

  • “Bad Teacher.” Cameron Diaz is a teacher who loves her drinks, drugs, curse words, and mini-skirts. When her wealthy fiance dumps her, she hopes to win a state teaching contest to make some quick cash. Oh, and she also sets her eyes on a loaded substitute, Justin Timberlake. The previews for this one have cracked me up. I am liking Cameron as a bad girl. Out Friday.
  • “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop.” It feels like forever ago that our favorite freakishly tall redhead was ousted from his spot at “The Tonight Show.” But in this documentary, we get to see how he handled life in the interim, heading across the country in his 32-city “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour.” Out Friday.
  • “Raw Faith.” Ever wondered what it’s like to be a female, socially progressive minister? Well, honestly, I hadn’t—but now that I’ve seen the preview for this documentary about Marilyn Sewell, I’m pretty intrigued. Apparently, while cameras were following Marilyn, she fell in love for the first time. Out Friday.

On Your Headphones:

  • Bon Iver, Bon Iver. Three years after their amazing first album, we get new wistful, haunting tunes from this mind-blowing band. But much more on that tomorrow, when the album is out.
  • Weird Al Yankovic, Alpocalypse. Weird Al has been crafting parody ditties since 1979 when he took on hit-makers like Queen and The Knack. But for his 13th studio album, he sets his sights on Lady Gaga (“Polka Face”), Miley Cyrus, (“Party in the CIA”), and Taylor Swift (“TMZ”). Fun! Out tomorrow.
  • Cassettes Won’t Listen, EVINSPACEY. If you’re into The Postal Service and Passion Pit, you will no doubt love this one-man electro project who got famous covering tracks like The Cure’s “Let’s Go To Bed” and INXS’ “Need You Tonight.” Oh, and apparently Kevin Spacey did almost sue over the album title. Out tomorrow.

Also On Your Radar:

  • All week, we shall be bringing you tips and tricks to pimp your apartment. It’s our 7 Days To A Prettier Place week!
  • Summer officially begins tomorrow, on June 21. Time to stock up on sunscreen!
  • And since it’s summer now, you’ll need a great book to read while curled up on a beach towel. Let me recommend J. Courtney Sullivan’s Maine, the tale of three generations of women gathering at their family beach house. Chaos, of course, ensues. This book comes pre-approved by Amelia, who read it this weekend.
  • Does Fido dream of peeing under your desk? Good, because Thursday is National Take Your Dog To Work Day.
  • A must-go-to if you are in New York this weekend? The annual Pride Week March on Sunday, which is being marshaled by Dan Savage and Terry Miller of the “It Gets Better” project.

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