5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Moving

Cracked | June 19, 2011 - 12:30 pm

Oh, sure, you’ve moved before: To a better neighborhood, a bigger house or just to spite that bitch Stacy at work who said she lived in a “very exclusive neighborhood.” It’s not a big deal. You suffer through one s**tty weekend, buy your friends cheap beer and sub-food quality pizza in exchange for manual labor, and you’re done. But the big move — the out-of-state, thousand-mile, cross-country, f**k-all move — is a different story. There are all sorts of traps, pitfalls and dastardly sons of bitches lurking out there, just waiting to pounce on you in your vulnerable state of temporary Hobo-osity. And nobody warns you about them … presumably because Big Moving has had all of their protesting tongues cut out and fed into the secret Misery Engines that really keep those trucks running.
#5. Cheap S**t is Now Insanely Expensive: Local moving has lulled you into a state of complacency: You roll up into the U-Haul place, flashing your wad of Lincolns like you own the place, hot bitches on either arm (or more likely, waiting in the car with the windows cracked), you plunk down your thirty bucks a day and you’re off. But here’s the thing: All those low prices you see on the sides of the moving trucks (the “29.95 a day!” bubbles emblazoned next to a dinosaur or a bee or whatever bizarre avatar the moving company has assigned your state) — yeah, there are asterisks after those things. Read more…