Ask The Man Panel: The Semi-Formal Swimsuit

This plaid necktie bikini (available on Etsy for $79) is either the most formal swimsuit ever or the least formal business casual outfit in history. It’s giving me a pretty severe bout of cognitive dissonance. How does the Man Panel feel about it? Read on to find out…

Henry, 27: Completely tasteless. Should have gone with the Full Windsor knot.

Alec, 26: It looks like Avril Lavigne got hit with a shrink ray.

Damien, 34: FINALLY they release this year’s uniform design for the St. Mary’s Catholic School swim team.

Adam, 35: But seriously, are her boobs wearing a tie? Can we look forward to boob collars, boob ascots, and turtleboobs? And the logical progression — Minge brassieres? Or the inverse, perhaps — something in a nice thonghat?

Scott, 26: I think the sexiest part of this swimsuit is the necktie tan that it will leave behind. Few guys can resist a pronounced necktie tan.

Nick, 25: Was this designed by Avril Lavigne? The only thing I would be worried about is the constant fear of having the top pulled down by the tie at any moment.

Cory, 24: By the title, “Manga School Girl Swimsuit,” I know the girls who will be clad in this are ones who normally wear nothing less than a level four Mage cloak while writhing in excitement over their new high scores in battle on Final Fantasy in their Full Metal Alchemist-postered basement.

Kyle, 22: I think that Britney Spears will be wearing this on her tour this summer when she sings “Hit Me Baby One More Time” … and it won’t look good.

Pat, 26: I think a tie is a tad bit overdressed for the Haggis Festival.

Paul, 31: I think it’s either a doomed attempt to redefine business-casual or a very confusing bathing suit (a fish tie like I give my dad every year for Father’s Day would make it less confusing).

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