The Dos & Don’ts Of Celebrity Breakup Statements

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One of the worst parts of a breakup is telling people. Invariably, you hear alternating waves of sympathy and get-back-on-the-horse encouragement—neither of which feels very satisfying just because, well, you just went through a breakup. So I do not envy celebrities, who have the whole world watching their relationships and must break the news to the populace en masse rather than just change their status on Facebook and wait for friends to check in. Still, I’m not sure how exactly the celebrity breakup statement came to be. You know how it goes because you’ve read it so many times: in a joint statement given to a source, usually People, the couple is sad to announce that they are splitting up. They remain the best of best of besties and there are no hard feelings whatsoever. If they have kids, their #1 priority is caring for them. They request that people respect their privacy. The celebrity breakup statement rarely differs from this rote script. After the jump, we’ve mined some recent and classic examples for the more subtle dos and don’ts.
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