8 Ways Jessica Simpson Can Make Her Third Reality Show The Charm

Jessica Simpson has decided to give reality TV another chance. She’s signed on to be the celebrity mentor on NBC’s new series, “Fashion Star,” a “Project Runway”-esque design show hosted by Elle MacPherson. This will be Jess’ third attempt at a reality series — “Newlyweds” ended in divorce and “The Price of Beauty” ended in cancellation — so we hope she’s learned a thing or two. [US Weekly]

After the jump, some suggestions for Jess to ensure that “Fashion Star” is a hit.

  1. Learn the difference between chicken and tuna. We would love for Jessica to show us how much she’s evolved by eating Chicken of the Sea and actually knowing what it is.
  2. Stick to the challenges. Talking too much always gets Jessica in trouble. If she can show us she’s all business, we’ll take her more seriously as a “fashion guru.”
  3. Keep the gas to a minimum. Jess has been known to be fond of burping and farting in public. We suggest she keeps her gas to herself.
  4. Watch the bottoms. In the past, Jessica’s choice of pants has been disastrous for her reputation. The mom jeans were too unflattering, the daisy dukes too slutty. To be a television success, choose bottoms wisely.
  5. No drama with Eric Johnson. We all know what happens to Jess when she’s single and it’s not cute. If possible, we suggest she keep everything copacetic with Eric until the series is a hit. No shotgun wedding, no dramatic breakup, no TMI about their sex life.
  6. Fire co-host Elle MacPherson in favor of a Ken Paves type. Elle MacPherson is a snooze. I know the formula of the show calls for a supermodel, but we’d rather see Jessica with a gay sidekick. Plus she will look so short next to Elle. Wait, have her and Ken made up yet?
  7. Keep Papa Joe off the set. Controlling stage dad, Joe Simpson, only makes a mess of everything. Keep him as far away from the set as humanly possible.
  8. Get a catchphrase.Wanna make it work, Jess? Come up with a catchphrase better than Tim Gunn’s.

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