Dear Wendy Updates: “Almost Ex Friend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Almost Ex Friend,” whose best friend of almost 20 years had been fading out of her life. Still, they remained on the same sports league, so avoiding each other completely was out of the question. After the jump, find out how she and the friendship are doing today. Dear Wendy: “I’m So Unhappy In My Marriage”

I would like to thank you and your readers for all the suggestions and advice. Some people said to keep trying to make up with my former friend, and some people said to give up. It’s been about six months since I wrote that letter, and I think I’ve finally come to a decision. When I saw her in the fall (right after I wrote to you), I apologized. A cop-out, because I’m terrible at confrontation. I told her that I was sorry, that I didn’t mean to stop talking to her, that I just got pissed off at her and it escalated. We hugged, and slowly started talking again. We didn’t hang out, but we were friendly at our rec league, texted occasionally, and for a while it was normal – even though I still felt I was initiating most of it.

At the end of April, my boyfriend threw me a birthday party. I emailed invites almost four weeks before the party. During that time, we played sports together weekly, she wished me a happy birthday, but never RSVP’d. We even had a long conversation after our games one night. But still, no RSVP. The morning of the party, she wrote on Facebook, “Sorry, I’ll be at a wedding!” I find it very hard to believe that she wasn’t aware of the wedding until that day. She had a month to tell me – via email, phone, or in person – that she couldn’t come. I was disappointed and hurt.

Despite this, I had a great time at my party. My boyfriend reminded me that even though she didn’t come, there were a lot of people who DID come, who care about me, and who actively want to be a part of my life. Although they’ve never met, he knows how badly I missed her and always encouraged me to keep trying. At our next game (two days later), I expected a “Hi, how was it, sorry I couldn’t make it!” But she completely avoided me. She wouldn’t even look in my direction. After class, she rushed out before I even left the court. And after that, I’m done. That’s the third birthday in a row that she canceled last minute. Yes, I had my hopes up, and I’m upset that she didn’t come, but that’s not the reason I came to this conclusion. I just think the entire situation was rude. It’s thoughtless and disrespectful and inconsiderate on so many levels. I’ve been trying to repair it for months, and this proves that she doesn’t care about our relationship – certainly not as much as I did anyway.

So thank you again for your advice. I struggled over the last six months to initiate conversation, be friendly, and I think that ultimately, our friendship just doesn’t mean anything to her. And like my boyfriend said, there are people who actually want to be in my life. I think I’ll focus on them from now on.

Sounds like it’s time to MOA from this girl, so I’m glad you’re planning to do just that.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at {encode=”[email protected]” title=”[email protected]”} with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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