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Quickies: Osama Bin Laden Loved Porn & Barack Obama Sets Up Justin Bieber

  • Surprise! Osama bin Laden watched porn. Navy SEALs discovered a “fairly extensive” stash in Osama’s home after he was killed. Three wives, 72 virgins after death, and porn? This guy should have been in sex therapy, not caves in southeast southern Asia. [TMZ]
  • The Middleton family has filed a formal petition to a UK press agency over the publication of Pippa Middleton’s topless pics. The photos, which are five years old, were taken while Pippa was privately vacationing with Kate and William in Ibiza. [PopEater]
  • Charlie Sheen has responded to Ashton Kutcher replacing him on “Two and a Half Men” and his opinion is just as looney as you’d expect. [The Superficial]

  • President Barack Obama is reportedly trying to introduce Justin Bieber to a 14-year-old girl whose father died on 9/11, just to be nice. That’s totally adorable. [TMZ]
  • Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr made Orlando Bloom pee in a bottle in her hospital room while she was in labor for 27 hours (poor thing!). [YourTango]
  • Nooo! Mindy Kaling might quit writing for “The Office” because she’s so busy with other projects, like writing a book of essays and filming a movie, “Five-Year Engagement.” [FlavorWire]
  • “Mad Men”‘s costume designer Janie Bryant is considering her own clothing line, but said it probably won’t happen until the show is done filming. In the meantime, you’ll have to satiate yourself with her QVC capsule collection. [NYmag.com The Cut]
  • Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon named their newborn twins Moroccan and Monroe so they could call ‘em “Roc” and “Roe.” Oooo-kay. [EOnline]
  • A compendium of eye makeup gadgets, in order of scariness. [The Hairpin]
  • Amber Rose is trashing her ex Kanye West in KING magazine … but in a classy way, I think. [The Superficial]
  • Alex Pettyfer will play stripper-turned-movie star Channing Tatum — or, uh, a character based on Channing Tatum — in a new flick, “Magic Mike.” [PopEater]
  • Speaking of strippers, here’s ex-98 Degrees singer Jeff Timmons’ debut at Chippendales! Wonder if Nick Lachey will catch a show. [TMZ]
  • “Dancing With The Stars”‘ Mark Ballas and “American Idol” contestant Pia Toscano have broken up. That was quick. [Celebuzz]
  • Meet Zara Phillips, the next royal bride. [Tres Sugar]
  • A brief survey of celebrities dressed like Andy Warhol. [FlavorWire]
  • Iconic jazz singer Etta James was hospitalized last night. Get well soon, Etta! [TMZ]
  • What might reality TV plots have looked like in the Middle Ages? [The Hairpin]
  • If you give a mouse a cookie If you give a robot a lightsaber … [The Mary Sue]
  • The international men of the Cannes Film Festival: hot or not? [Tres Sugar]
  • Nothing to wear in the warmer weather? Check out Lucky‘s dress guide. [Lucky Magazine]
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