Dear Wendy: “Have I Been Permanently Friend-Zoned?”
I’m a college student in love with my best friend. I see “James” every day, usually for several hours at a time (sometimes alone, sometimes in groups), and we text constantly. He’s cute, funny, smart, attentive, interesting: everything I want in a guy … and obviously he likes me on some level, or we wouldn’t be this close. But nothing’s ever happened between us! Summer’s coming up; we live in different parts of the country, and next semester we’re both studying abroad in European cities — close enough to visit occasionally, but definitely less than we’re used to. I feel like time’s running out. I’ve already amped up the flirting and touchiness but nothing’s changed. All this drama (or lack thereof) is steadily and annoyingly chipping away at my self-esteem. Do I tell him how I feel before the semester ends and risk alienating him and making things awkward? Or do I just MOA and accept that I’m permanently friend-zoned? — More than Friends?
Tell him how you feel! What are you waiting for? The worst that will happen is he’ll feel a little freaked out and need some space until this blows over, but if you’ve amped up the flirting and physical affection, he probably already has a clue how you feel. And even if he’s not making a move on you, it’s a good sign he can at least handle your admission of feelings if he isn’t backing off when you touch him. It’s possible your friendship changes — that’s another worst-case scenario. But … it’s going to change anyway at the rate things are going (and with you both going your separate directions soon). How could it not if you are in love with him? What happens if he starts dating someone else? You think your friendship wouldn’t change then? So, if it’s going to change anyway, let it change because you took a risk — a risk that could very well pay off in a great big way.
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