10 Flirtation Killers

Ladies, I’m sure you have experienced this before. You are having a perfectly good flirtation session with a perfectly hot guy when all of a sudden … he ruins everything. The other night, I was at a party, talking with a guy I found extremely attractive and cool. We were wrapping up the conversation, about to exchange contact info, when he made a serious misstep. He reached down underneath his chair and pulled out a giant bicycle helmet and PUT IT ON. He looked so ridiculous that I couldn’t take him seriously. I fully support bicycle riding, especially with the proper safety precautions, but couldn’t he have waited until we parted ways to put the stupid thing on? Sigh. Foiled by a bicycle helmet. After the jump some more flirtation killers sure to spoil a good vibe. Add yours in the comments.

  1. Boogers. Snot or dangling boogers are just too hard for me to ignore. Perhaps I am immature. I just can’t.
  2. Improper use of basic grammar. I ain’t really feelin’ that.
  3. Annoying texts. If a flirtation moves to text, sentiments such as “C U L8R” or the excessive use of emoticons kills any glimmer of hope. We are no longer in middle school.
  4. The offering of illegal substances. I don’t take drugs from strangers and I don’t date strangers who offer me drugs. Any questions?
  5. Inappropriate touching. A graze of the arm or a hand on my back are fabulous flirting techniques. A squeezing of the inner thigh or a unexpected smack on the ass are not.
  6. Excessive phone checking. If it is a nervous habit, seek help. If not, go hit on another woman.
  7. Burping and/or farting. Can we at least wait until we’ve gone on a few dates before we do that?
  8. Barnyard eating. If you can try not to look like a wild animal when you’re eating — even if it’s something messy like wings — that would be greatly appreciated.
  9. Mentioning your girlfriend. Wait … what? You have a girlfriend but you’ve been flirting with me for the last hour? Hell no!
  10. Bad jokes. Especially ones involving degradation of women/ racial epithets. Ha ha ha … BYE!