5 Reasons Why We’re Not Jealous Of Kate Middleton

We’re happy for princess-to-be Kate Middleton. Really we are. While we could do without the 24-hour news coverage of her dress/diet/ex-boyfriends/previous family homes, who doesn’t love a good royal wedding? By all accounts, Prince William and Kate seem like they’ve thought this through and are ready for their very public walk down the aisle. We’ll even admit, we wouldn’t mind the tiaras, lady-in-waiting and new Audi-cum-driver that reportedly await Kate. But we’re just as happy it’s not us. Here’s why…

  1. Her Mother-In-Law Is The Law. Queen Elizabeth II will be Kate’s grandmother-in-law. Think the normal mother-in-law relationship can be intense? The Queen has been leading her family and influencing a nation since 1953. Queen Elizabeth will undoubtedly have input on everything Kate does, from what charities she works with to what schools her children attend. Speaking of kids…
  2. Her Belly Is On Bump Watch. Kate’s uterus is now a public commodity. Sure, Hollywood celebs are constantly under similar scrutiny but nobody but a princess really knows what it’s like to have her waistline watched, 24-7. When she does eventually expect, the answer to the question “Do you know the sex?” will be guarded like a state secret. Plus, if they have a girl first, everyone will be expecting them to try again for a male heir apparent, ASAP. Post-pregnancy, her weight-loss will be documented on the front page of tabloids from London to New York.
  3. She Won’t Receive A Paycheck: While she is inheriting a veritable fortune in crown jewels, property and other royal investments, she is giving up on having her own career. (She previously worked for her parent’s party supply company and in the fashion industry). While early retirement might seem appealing to some of us who are tired of the corporate rat race, we quite like having our own money and contributing to our household income. We’re not saying charity isn’t a worthwhile pursuit — but we just wonder if Kate would like the choice to do both.
  4. People Will Always Be Looking At Her Looks. If Kate gains five pounds, journalists will start filing for overtime (see “Her Belly Is On Bump Watch”, above). This makes us thankful we can get fat, experiment with crazy haircuts and go to the grocery store without putting on makeup (or even changing out of our PJs). We love the princess-to-be’s easy, natural style — the shiny hair, dewy skin and classic wardrobe. But we’re savvy enough to know that she doesn’t wake up look like this. Which leads us to our final reason we’re glad we’re not Kate:
  5. She Has To Be Perma-Poised In Public. We’ve already mentioned our propensity for going out in public looking like, well, ourselves, and how nice that can be. In particular, we’re thankful that we only need to untag a Facebook photo or two to erase any evidence that we were a tad wobbly at 2 am after one too many glasses of chardonnay. If Kate is photographed tipsy and squinty-eyed, she’ll have everyone from Martin Bashir to the Queen on her case.

Cheers to Kate! We are truly happy for her — and for our plain old commoner lives, too.