Thank You To The Crazy Whisperers

We all have moments where we are not our best selves. Maybe our hormones are going haywire because we are pregnant, just got on birth control, or just got off birth control. Maybe we have been sleeping for three hours a night for the past six weeks because it’s finals time. Or maybe we’re just having one of those days months years. But no matter our reasons for not being ourselves, we need someone who understands us and can talk us off the ledge. Our own personal Crazy Whisperer. A Crazy Whisperer is like a horse whisperer, only instead of communicating with equines, he or she communicates with irrational people. I don’t mean irrational people like Senator Rand Paul, though — I mean people who are otherwise rational human beings but are having, to put it politely, “a moment.”

A Crazy Whisperer is calm. A Crazy Whisperer is nonjudgmental. A Crazy Whisperer does not necessarily have to know you well (though that’s usually a bonus) but is able to discern the “things you really mean” from the “blubbering foolishness you’re saying because you’re upset.” (For example, Peggy Olsen is a Crazy Whisperer for Don Draper on “Mad Men,” just as Joan Holloway is a Crazy Whisperer for Roger Sterling. These ladies know when Don or Roger is having some serious sturm und drang or whether they’re just being irrational, i.e. drunk.) A Crazy Whisperer listens … and listens … and listens. Above all, a Crazy Whisperer is firm, but gentle.

The Frisky’s “Mind of Man” columnist John DeVore is actually an excellent Crazy Whisperer. If he is secretly freaked out by, bored with, or judgmental of the collective craziness of the Frisky staff, he hides it well. I may be imbuing the poor guy with too much responsibility here, but I feel like he could talk me through a corneal papercut or a breech birth and actually convince me everything is going to be OK. The man is talented.

Let me be clear about one thing, though: a Crazy Whisperer is not the same as an Emotional Tampon. You don’t rely on your Crazy Whisperer all the time, because then they wouldn’t be much of a “whisperer,” would they? Rather than someone who constantly props you up (like that Lexapro prescription you really need to get), a Crazy Whisperer appears when you need them … and then into the mist, they’re gone.

As a lady with many Emotions and Thoughts and Feelings (I put capitalized them to show they are important!), I am deeply indebted to the many Crazy Whisperers in my life. Amelia can be one at times. So can my friend Alana and my best friend Christiane. The guy Juan that I’ve been dating has proven himself a capable Crazy Whisperer as well. I have been talked off many a ledge thanks to you guys. So to all you Crazy Whisperers out there, thank you and I’m sorry I filled your wastepaper baskets with my dirty snot rags. I was just having “a moment.”