Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis To Join His Harem Of Goddesses

“Here’s the good news — my goddesses have already f**king approved [Mila Kunis]. She’s pre-approved! I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f**king Kunis: If Mila Kunis is stealing your s**t , trust me, you’re still f**king winning, you’re still winning at that moment … I’m going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes. I’m going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super f**king hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we we have a warehouse full of your favorite s**t to steal.”

Charlie Sheen announced who he’d like to be third goddess to join his harem and the lucky lady is “Black Swan” actress Mila (f**king) Kunis. An unexpectedly talented and classy choice, I must say. I’m sure Mila is so flattered. I’ll bet you anything, right now, she’s packing her bags — but leaving behind her dignity — and calling a cab to take her right on over to the Sober Valley Lodge. Yep. Charlie should probably expect the doorbell to ring in 30 minutes, give or take, depending on LA traffic. (This is the “bitch, please” look I imagine Mila will give upon hearing this news, BTW.) [Huffington Post]

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