Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Grosses Me Out!”
My long-term boyfriend is a wonderful person. My only issue is that he’s a little lax about personal cleanliness. For example, last weekend he admitted that he’d had a nosebleed and cleared it out by blowing his nose in the shower. He told me this as an explanation for why I might see red flecks on the shower wall, as he’d cleaned up a bit while he was in the shower, but hadn’t gotten to everything. I got snippy/grossed out about why he’d told me this instead of just cleaning up the rest himself, but he just laughed it off before turning back to his video game and I calmed down after replacing my loofah, which had been in the line of fire. (This is gross, right? Or am I alone in this?) Another example is that I’ve been noticing for months that after he uses the bathroom at home, he barely runs the tap water — probably not long enough to use soap. I finally brought it up on our way to work today, and he explained that he only bothers with soap after #2 since he doesn’t “need” it after #1. I don’t want to start a fight over something trivial and sound like a nag, but I also don’t want to spend my days cleaning up his bodily fluids and cringing every time he touches our future children. How can I encourage him to up his standards a bit without sounding like his micromanaging ex? — Grossed Out
You are absolutely justified in being grossed out by your boyfriend’s behavior. What he is doing in RUDE. Rude, rude, rude, and you should be able to tell him so without feeling like you’re a “nag.” Tell him again that you’re grossed out by what he’s doing and if he doesn’t change his ways, think long and hard about whether you can see a future with someone whose nosebleeds you’ll always be cleaning up, and who doesn’t bother to wash his hands after going to the bathroom. And think about what kind of example he’s going to be setting for those future kids of yours, too. These issues would be dealbreakers for many people. Are they for you?
I am a single, 21-year-old student with a pretty common dilemma. In class, at parties, at social events, I’m just not meeting guys I particularly connect with. So, I’d like to take a little more focused initiative instead of relying so much on chance and try online dating. I realize it’s quite the minefield, but the idea of trying out dating in a format where people can be more upfront about what they are looking for, as well as somewhere I may have an easier time finding a nerd who is into the same weird stuff as me, is appealing and I’m totally ready to try it.
Here’s the problem: I have a great group of friends, but every last one of them thinks online dating is too dangerous, or something “pathetic” exclusively for people with no social lives. I think they’re being ridiculous and a little naive: it seems like a great way for a tech-savvy lady with her wits about her to potentially meet people with similar interests, right? Still, the amount of negativity I’m hearing is really discouraging me, so here’s my question: do they have a point? — Online Dating Novice
You’re friends are wrong; there’s NOTHING pathetic about online dating. I guess I can’t speak for your social circle, but just about everyone I know over the age of, like, 20, who has ever been single in the last 5-10 years, has tried some form of online dating, or seriously considered it. It definitely no longer holds the stigma it once did, and I think once you find a site you like and start looking around, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the quality of people you’ll find. Sure, you may not find a match right away. Online dating isn’t a magic wand that makes all your relationship hopes and dreams come true. But it is a wonderful way to cast a wider net and meet people you wouldn’t meet quite as easily in your regular offline life.
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