Amy Poehler And 14 Other Commencement Speakers We Wish We’d Had

Graduation speeches are tough. You have to avoid the usual cliches about how students are floating on the sea of life or opening the doors to their future, and that isn’t easy. My college graduation speaker—some bigwig woman at the World Bank—hit both of those. Not that you could hear over the protesting of my fellow classmates. So I’m feeling a teensy bit jealous that the lucky ducks over at Harvard have such an awesome graduation speaker—the amazing and hilarious Amy Poehler. “We wanted someone people could recognize, who could give a funny and engaging speech,” the school’s class marshal explained. “During her time on ‘SNL,’ Amy was a part of our growing up, and there’s no doubt she’s pretty hilarious.” Not to mention that she’s also a Boston native.

This got me thinking—who would I have liked to see give my commencement address? Some picks after the jump.

  1. Duh, Amy’s fellow Weekend Update partner-in-crime, Tina Fey.
  2. Christiane Amanpour. Harvard apparently got her last year.
  3. Dan Savage. That man speaks the truth.
  4. Cyndi Lauper. For being so unusual and such a humanitarian these days. Also, her voice would keep peeps from falling asleep.
  5. Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert. Either would do.
  6. Double duh—Hillary Clinton.
  7. I wanna know the path from cheerleader to Supreme Court Justice—Ruth Bader Ginsburg, please.
  8. Ani DiFranco. Hey, I did go to a women’s college.
  9. Amy Sedaris could be super hilarious. Or her brother, David. Either works.
  10. Stevie Nicks would certainly have some inspiring words.
  11. Or perhaps Blondie.
  12. Mayim Bialik, who played “Blossom,” is now a PhD and mom with a knack for crafting inspirational speeches.
  13. Helen Mirren is hilarious and certainly has a lot of life experience to share.
  14. Oprah. Just in case she decides to give everyone in the audience a car.

[Oh No They Didn't]